Valentine's Day Pics

Cousin time

I haven't uploaded the 6 million pics we took last weekend, but they are soon to come! Laura and Simon came to visit this last weekend and what a fun time we had!! Nana and Pop Pop came up, too, and couldn't decide which baby to hold, Simon (5 months), Josiah (9 weeks), or Zachary (7 weeks). Of course, Emerald and Calvin were still begging for their turn as well! It was so much fun having almost all of us together--Shane was still back home in Colorado. Simon is a doll and we are in love with him. He is adorable, and then he flashes that beautiful smile at us with those incredible squeals of delight!! It makes your heart melt. It is hard to imagine that he is only 3 1/2 months older than Zachary. He reminds me to pay full attention to the hear and now, b/c it too will pass by too fast! Em and Cal had so much fun playing with the babies. Having Josiah and Simon around has made them pay even more attention and share their love with Zach. We are in for a fun weekend again b/c Simon and Laura are headed back this way Saturday for a fun cousion photo shoot with Angela. That should be quite the experience! I am so thankful for family! We are so blessed. It felt weird for Skip and I to stay at home and still have an entire weekend of family. We are thankful, most especially for Zachary's sake, that the family was willing to travel to us this time around. It was so much easier on our littlest man and on the other 2 as well.

Zachary is doing well at home. He was incredibly sleepy after first coming home. However, he seemed to wake up after a few days. We have had home health come out to do weight checks and check him out to make sure he is staying healthy. Monday he was up to 6 lb 7 oz. That is big weight gain! How lucky and blessed are we that he is healthy and continues to thrive. He is starting to outgrow some of his preemie clothes, mostly due to length. We are nearing the end of our preemie diapers and will be moving up to newborn size diapers this week.

We had our first family outing last night. We were desperate for a few Target items so had to go up to Olathe with all the kids. Skip sat in the car feeding Zach while I ran in for some errands. Then we finally got our Taco Bell date. Emerald discovered she loved tacos last night!! Zach did great, sleeping the entire outing. He is such a good baby. His due date is a week from today--wow! It feels odd to hold him and imagine him still inside me. That feels like forever ago. I am curiuos to know what his weight will be on his due date.

Look for some adorable pics of lots and lots of babies coming soon. We have been so busy that is has been hard to find a solid 10 minutes of time to sit down and accomplish anything! I promise one of these days I'm going to have my stuff together, be organized, caught up on all forms of communication and bills, and really feel rested. One of these days............ Then I'll look back and miss the moments of chaos and baby/toddler noises. So, for now, I'll feel behind and enjoy the constant clutter around me and just take in the noise. Enjoy the moment, right?

It's Friday the 13th.........

Happy Friday the 13th! All is well in our world on this spooky day. I'm sitting here watching my big kids chasing each other with strollers. Emerald is all dressed in her princess dress, Calvin is pretending to feed me cocoa and cookies, and Zachary is sleeping away thru the noise. Life is good! Aunt Laura and Simon are coming to visit today and we are all so anxious to meet our sweet nephew. He is 5 months old and we haven't met him yet. The kids are on cloud 9 knowing that he is on the way. I am also excited to see all the little ones lined up, side-by-side. 3 new babies w/in 3 1/2 months is a lot. We are having Angela come to take professional pics next weekend of everyone. That is the same person who took pics of my kids a year ago and did such a fantastic job. I can't wait to see how she captures the cousins, siblings, and our sweet baby boy.

We had a pediatrician appt on Tuesday and Zach hit 6 lb! He is also up to 18 1/2" long. Sad to say, we didn't get to see Dr. Mike, but that's ok. The doc said Zach looked great and sounded fantastic for a preemie (when listening to his lungs). That is good to hear! It was pretty sweet when we walked out to the scale to weigh him, about 6 nurses stepped out and "oohhhh-ed and ahhhhhhhh-ed" over how tiny and cute he is. We agree, but then again, we're his parents. It was so sweet to see. Of course, like I tell everyone, he feels big to me, after getting down to 3 lb 6 oz at one point. 6 lb feels huge! We have several follow-up doctor appts scheduled for our little man that should keep us busy. We are also having Home Health come out twice a week for weight checks and to follow up to make sure he is still doing well. This is reassuring for us to make sure we are doing everything right. You'd think I didn't already have 2 kids, but each child is unique and there are some unique things with preemies to be extra cautious with. I LOVE Joan, our nurse who is visiting us at the house. She is in love with little Z-man and reminds us all the time when she is with us. She has called from her house to check on him and is really working with us on this breastfeeding thing. It isn't going perfectly smoothly, but we are working together to try to get it all figured out. For now, it is a lot of extra work, but all worth it.

We hope everyone enjoys tomorrow, and a Happy Valentine's Day to you all. Maybe Skip and I will get our Taco Bell date sometime soon, but maybe this year we will just do the drive-thru b/c we are not taking Zach anywhere but the doc's office for now. I'll take a drive-thru date right now, as long as we are all together and healthy. No pictures today, blogger isn't cooperating.

We're Home!!

Last minutes in the NICU, all wires detached and he is no longer connected to the wall. Just before we put him in his carseat to head home!

One big happy family of 5!!


This was a yawn, not a scream. He doesn't really scream that much.

My boys! Love this pic!

I love that I can finally get a naked shot w/o any leads, cannula, etc. in the way. I think it's pretty sweet.

Honestly, we did not plan this!! Josiah and Jeff came over Sunday night and surprise, they were decked out in the same outfit! It was too sweet. Look at the size difference! Josiah is still only like 9 pounds, which isn't that big!!

Uncle Jeff's first time holding Zachary, and he has 2 of the little guys!

Nana loving on Zachary.

If I had a dime for every time I heard, "he's got such long eyelashes" I could fund his college. The boy has some lovely lashes!!

We've been waiting for 6 weeks for these 2 cousins to meet. Finally!

Zach is going to look huge compared to this lobster so soon. I don't want to think of how fast they grow up!

Ok, this was just too sweet. Josiah is 18 days older.

Nana has 2 of her new grandsons. Waiting to see the other this weekend!

Zachary hanging out with monkey George.

Aunt Heidi loving on Zach. She seems to think he is small after holding Josiah.

Love the marker lip.

How sweet is that blanket?!

A sweet sign from the kids.

Leaving the NICU. I didn't know they let you ever leave with these babies :)

Loading up the car. Another sweet moment.

Godmother, Jenny, holding Zach for the first time. This is Dr. Mike's wife. Jenny and Skip went to school together.

Zach and Laney getting their first look at Zachary at home.

Emerald's first time holding Zach.

That's one pretty excited mommy about to take her baby boy home.

Emerald couldn't contain her excitement.

Home at last.

Final weight check before heading home.

The Pankewich Family is united together under one incredibly blessed roof!!! We are so happy to announce that Zachary is home. We brought him home on Saturday, February 7th at about 4:45 pm. That is within hours of an exact 6 weeks since he was born. 6 weeks prior to that date we were packing a bag to head to Overland Park Regional, never realizing what our future held. 6 weeks later we were blessed to be able to bring our healthy little boy home to his eager big brother, big sister, Aunt Heidi, Nana, and cousin Josiah. Let me share the details of that wonderful day!

The rooming in experience was, well, an experience. Zachary did fantastic! He nursed very well for me, and slept very well, too. He didn't seem to be phased by the fact that he had finally gotten the chance to spend the night with mommy. I, on the other hand, was completely enamoured with the fact that I was able to spend all that quiet time with my baby boy. I only wish I had gotten food delivered. I wasn't able to leave the room and they didn't bring me any food. Thank goodness Heidi and Josiah brought me lunch and Jenny brought dinner! Thanks ladies!! It was also nice to have Nana and Daddy bring Emers and Calvin to our room to spend some time with Zach before we brought him home. It is much easier having them in a room instead of the NICU. Two different neonatologists visited us in the room to check on Zach. Unfortunately, Zachary lost about 3 oz during this transition process and the doc gave me a little scare saying "if" he got to go home. I thought we might lose our chance :( Dr. Lancaster gave us the green light on Saturday, though, and were set to bring him home. With all the last minute "teaching" and final weight check before and after eating, we finally walked through the doors at about 3:45 pm. That was much earlier than I thought it would be.

Zach's final weight upon leaving OPR NICU-- 5 lb 11.5 oz which is quite an improvement in 6 weeks from his 3 lb 14 oz at birth. I still look down at him and wonder, with our 16 days to go, how he should still fit inside of me??!! Amazing!!

Emotionally, it was quite a day! I teared up when Dr. Lancaster officially said we were going home that day. I cried real tears when they cut the HUGS (security) tag off him and he was finally free of all hospital "jewelry" (wires and such). I loved the moment when I could hold him and spin in circles b/c he was no longer attached to the wall with his leads and wires/cords. I cried when we put his tiny body in the carseat. I really got emotional when we walked thru the doors of the NICU and the security alarms didn't go off for "taking" our baby away. I cried saying goodbye to Christy and Dawson, mostly b/c I wanted them to be going home also. Needless to say, I did a lot of crying. I cried when we pulled into the driveway, finally home. I cried when Emerald came bonding down the driveway jumping up and down, singing the "Zach is home" song. She was so excited about a sign she had made with Nana that was super cute, and about the balloons. It was so incredibly sweet to see Calvin, markered lip and all, show his excitement when he saw that "Zak-ry's home". He was also sweet bringing the monkey to Zachary, something his sister had done the day we got him. I also loved the moment when Laney finally discovered that there was another of those "things" in the carseat squeaking. I'm not sure Laney is so excited to have another munchkin here to terrorize her.

Zachary seems to be adjusting well. He is so sleepy! We are having to wake him up to eat and keep pestering him throughout the feeding to keep him awake. We have to be very cautious to make sure he continues to gain weight and receives all of his calories. We are also paying very close attention to his breathing during his feeding times b/c that was a big concern in the NICU. He has turned "blue" for us once since he was home, but we have learned what to do just in case. The eating process is quite fun for now--try to nurse (which he isn't doing so well right now), feed him a bottle, then pump. Every 3 hours we spend about an hour to 1 1/2 hours working on this.

We are also going to be extremely careful when it comes to exposing Zach to germs. His immune system is weaker than a newborn's would be, and that is not saying much. He is very susceptible to illness right now, which scares us a lot. I would so love to show him off to everyone, but for now we are going to remain hermits in the house. We plan to take turns going to church in different shifts as to not expose him even there. When guests come over, we've bought large amounts of hand sanitizer and are asking everyone to "scrub in" before touching him. The kids are even getting used to the "rules" set by mom and dad. The very last thing we need right now is him to end up back in the hospital. So, if we seems a little anal, forgive us. We have our first pediatrician appt tomorrow, sad to say not with Dr. Mike. Oh well :) I'm sure we'll be back soon. We are also having home health come to the house to do weight checks and to do some other minor things with Zachary. We've set up 2 other follow-up NICU appts so far and plan for more doc appts in the near future. Whatever it takes to keep our boy healthy!

I have had to laugh at Emerald. She keeps asking when we have to go back to the hospital. I don't think she quite understands yet that Zach isn't going back to the hospital but is actually staying her forever.

I'm sure I have forgotten a lot of details and you can feel free to ask. I'm over the moon, and starting to come down off my "high". I feel a little sleepy but can't blame all that on the baby. Part of it has to do with just life in general.

This is what they call "rooming in"

Yes, I am finally going to post these words, "we are planning to bring our Zachary home tomorrow!!" I am currently "rooming in" with Zach and he is doing fantastic. We spent the night together last night and will again tonight. Then, the plan is bring him home tomorrow!!!!!!! I can't believe it. Tomorrow is 6 weeks from the day he was born. Tomorrow is supposed to be 70 degrees, which I jokingly suggested to Skip earlier this week would be a great time to bring him home. Does it get better than 70 in Kansas in February? They said there might be thunderstorms, which is funny b/c he was born in the midst of one of those odd winter thunderstorms. It's weird tot think that I should have still been pregnant. I could have easily been packing my bag yesterday to head to the hospital to actually deliver a full-term baby. Instead, I was packing my bag to come to the hospital to stay with my nearly 6 week old baby. I have been blessed with his health. I have been blessed with the opportunity to have had 6 extra weeks to get to know him--his likes/dislikes, attitudes, personality. I love every part of him. This experience truly has taught me so much. Just as Heidi reminded me, I have been given the gift of realization of all of our health. I am thankful that my older children have been healthy. Emerald and Calvin are such a joy and I am so lucky to have them in our life! I am thankful that I have a husband to help and support me through this life. Skip is my best friend, my partner, my person who knows me better than anyone else in life, the person who shares everything with me. I am so lucky to have him in my life!! I am thankful for family, for I don't think I could have done this at all w/o you all helping us out both physically and emotionally. I am thankful for friends, who continue to come out of the woodwork to offer us assistance to make it thru this experience. I am thankful for Zach, who has been such a trooper thru this ordeal. He continues to thrive and I know he will be a fighter during his life and he will always remind us that everything is relative, so don't stress about the small stuff.

So, enough emotional happiness splattered all over!! I'm just a little happy, a little giddy if you will!! Rooming in means that Zach and I are in a hospital room, not his NICU room, just the 2 of us. He is still attached to monitors, but the plan is that he will not be going home with any (super-way yee-haw). The NICU nurse comes down every 3 hours to check his vitals and make sure he is doing ok. My job is to take care of him and feed him. Nice, huh? I get to finally be mommy to this precious baby boy. Skip and I were visiting Zach Wed night. Skip was literally about to walk out the door when the NNP (neonatal nurse practitioner) was walking in. So, Skip decided to stay for her assessment. Then, the Neonatologist came in, Dr. Weatherstone. I kind of got worried, b/c usually both don't come in at once. They were assessing Zach. They then got to talking with us about his status. Skip brought up the dreaded question, "when are we going home." They didn't deny it!! They asked if there was any way that we could do a 24 straight hour breastfeeding session. Most of Zach's de-sats come with feedings. However, they only happen when he is drinking from a bottle. I jumped at the chance! Thank goodness Nana could come and watch the kids for us to make this work out. Like I said, our family has been awesome helping, both sides!! So, last night I left the house to come up for 2 night's stay in the hospital. So far, so good! No spells at all since Monday.

It is a bittersweet moment for us leaving the NICU though. Silly as it sounds, I know! It is hard leaving the other babies there. There are babies that deserve, like Zach, to go home. There are mommies and daddies that deserve to bring their babies home. I want Zach home, but I also want to allow them to go home, too. I feel awful walking away and knowing that they are still there. I have formed bonds with these people. We have been thru so much together. You just want what is best for these families. I want Dawson to go home. I want Isaiah to go home. I want Miranda to go home. I want Kingston and Kingsley to go home. I want Alicia to go home. I want Sofia and James to go home. I want the others that I can't remember their names to be able to go home and start their lives outside the NICU. I know they will have their day, but I just don't want to make them feel bad as we are walking out the door with our boy. In talking with a fellow adoptive mother, she commented that it is like receiving a baby at placement. You want the baby so badly, but you hurt so much for the birthmother who no longer has this part of her life with her. It is funny how Zachary's birth has allowed me to focus on my adoptions so very much. I love each child's birth story! Each unique, each one special.

Nana and Daddy are supposed to bring Emers and Calvin up today to the hospital. We are excited to get the chance to bring the kids to a hospital room to see Zach. Maybe it will be a little better than taking them into the NICU!! We haven't taken them up lately b/c we are next door to Dawson and he is super sensitive to noise right now. Yeah, Emerald + Calvin=noise. So, b/c we care so much for Dawson's care, we have not wanted to create more chaos for him. We know that other families would do the same for us were roles reversed. However, that means that the kids haven't seen their brother but twice since New Years. With Emerald's comment the other day, and Calvin always asking to go see "Zak-ry" we feel they need to see him one more time before we show up at home with this new little brother. Hope that goes well!

We are also eagerly anticipating a special visit from Laura and Simon in a week. We can't wait to meet our nephew!! I hear he is doing super fun things and is already 5 months old. He'll seem like a monster compared to our little Z-man! Have a safe trip and don't worry, you'll do fine with traveling with him.

I'll post more later. Keep praying that Zach continues to do well with his super-special mommy time!

Happy Thursday!

Today was a beautiful day!! The weather was in the 60's and the kids were so happy to spend some time outside. Tomorrow is supposed to be in the 70's, and I'm sure I know 2 kids who will want to be outdoors again. They got dropped off at a friend from church's house and Emerald was in heaven. This friend had a brand new puppy, 8 week old lab. It was such a cute puppy, so classic puppy behavior. They also got to play outside at her house, and they had horses next door!! Honestly, I thought Emerald would never quit talking about her good day. She played outside for recess, then we stopped at the park after school. It is so much fun watching them play on a beautiful day. Emerald got a haircut the other day, finally, and looks much better now. Calvin is also being such a cutie lately. He has been very cuddly with me, and gives the best hug squeezes. Emerald, shockingly, has developed quite the "sucking up" behavior developing. She told me the other day, "mommy, since you are the best mommy ever, and b/c I love you so much, and b/c you love us so much, you should ___________." She has used this excuse a couple of times now, and I'm kind of scared! Skip also shared a story about her last night, which I missed. He put Calvin to bed, then went searching for Emerald. Not in her room, but Zachary's room light was on. Skip walked in and saw Em sitting in the rocking chair, rocking. She told him, with sad eyes, "daddy, I want Zach to come home now." He told me I would have cried, and he is right. Every time I leave for the "hop-sital" (yes, I misspelled it trying to sound like the kids) Calvin comes over to give me a "psssst for Zakry" (our little thing we always do touching fingers in the I love you sign language form). How sweet are those kids??!! I love my munchkins so much and feel so bad for messing with them so much right now. It is hard not being there to read at night, kiss them and tuck them each night, and just wind down at home. I love being with Zachary, don't get me wrong, but I am missing the night-time routine with my kiddos.

I gave Zach a bath on Tuesday. It was my first time to give him one and I loved it!! I also got to give him another one tonight. I think the sweetest moment was getting to hold my sweet Zachary when he was not attached to anything at all!! He was not hooked up to the wall, and I got to do an entire spin around with him in my arms. I loved it so very much. Heidi came up to the hospital that night to hang out with Zach and I, and she got to witness this wonderful bath time experience. She played photographer for us, and I will upload pics soon.

Zach stats--he's up to 5 lb 10 oz--big boy!! He had a renal ultrasound recheck and all was clear!! He passed his vision test with flying colors. Have I already mentioned he passed his hearing screening?? Well, he did, so now I've said it. :) Can't seem to keep it all straight. He also passed his car seat test so when the time comes to take him home, he is safe to ride in the seat. He had a bad de-sat Monday, but has been really good since. Yeah for Z-man!!

More to come later, too tired to write more right now. By the way, I'm sorry for the negative sounding blogs lately. I feel kind of bad and don't want you to think I'm turning into a sour person. Remember this, that this is my way to get out some of my frustrations w/o crying too many times. This is like a journal for me, just public. I've also had a lot of people comment on how I can keep up with the blogging. It is easier for me to do this, than to call 25 different people on the phone (not that I don't want to talk to you, but time is so difficult to find these days) and forget who I've told what to. It is easier to write it once, let read it whoever wants to take the time, and journal it for myself.

One last thing, I have been so blessed by our new church and the members of it. We have had people volunteer to watch my kids, feed them, love on them, and provide us with meals. We have had so many people helping us and again, I just want to express my sincere gratitude for you all!! Thank you so much for you help, food, generosity, and prayers. You mean a lot to our family.

Zach's getting some lovin'

We recently got the ok for some people to hold Zach besides us. We are still being very cautious, as they constantly remind us that he is very susceptible to catching anything. We just couldn't deny grandparents the chance to hold our sweet baby boy!

Time flies, right?

Today someone mentioned they were "shocked it was already February......where did the time go? Wasn't it just Christmas?" This comment struck me as ironic, they didn't even realize what they were saying around me, it was a total stranger. Yes, it was just Christmas yesterday/6 years ago, right??!! So, I've been thinking of the ways I've spent my last 5 weeks. This is a slight variation to an interesting blog I recently read of a friend who itemized her day, minute-by-minute. Here is a partial, very partial, list of ways I've spent my time.

• 41 hours in the car traveling back and forth to the hospital--time spent w/o any of my children in most circumstances.
• Over 5 hours of time spent solely scrubbing in and/or washing hands--you know, got to make those hands bleed :)
• 70 + hours pumping, time usually devoted to my youngest, but usually w/o him anywhere near me
• 25 + hours of preparing/cleaning pump parts/pumps before and after use both at home and at the hospital
• over 13 hours of traveling from the car to Zach's room and back again (the parking lot is always packed and he is on the 4th floor, elevators are awful!)
• guessing at least 5 hours time devoted to insurance issues dealing with this experience, and surely more to come

As a reminder, this is just my time, it does not include when Skip drives separatly to the hospital. If you add all that time up, you get over 160 hours worth of time devoted to things that aren't necessarily anything fun or rewarding, like the time we spend actually holding Zach, or nursing Zach, or playing with our big kids. Let's remember that in the middle of this I was supposed to be "resting" and recovering from major surgery. Oh, and keeping up with 2 very young children. Oh, and maintaining a house--you know bills, cleanliness, groceries, cooking, laundry, etc. So, if anyone actually wonders what I do with my day, that might help.

Back in the NICU, another new address for Zach

We got moved back upstairs today. "No, nothing is wrong" reassured sweet nurse Nicole when she called to inform us this morning. Again, scary receiveing a phone call from the NICU. However, they mentioned it to us as a possibility yesterday when we were here, so I kind of suspected it might happen. Sweet nurse Nicole (I love this nurse!) told us she was pretty sad to see her buddy leave her. How awesome is it to have a nurse who loves on your baby?! I've come to realize that Zachary has had 3 addresses in his short 5 weeks. Kind of funny if you ask me.

Zachary had a few destats this morning, so we start the clock again. Dr. Lancaster passed me in the hall today and remembered me, impressive that he recognized me and put me with Zachary since he has about 46 babies here in the unit and we really don't meet with him all that often. He commented not to get frustrated, but Zach just wasn't quite mature yet. Just be patient! Skip reminded me that at least we have had a lot of experience in the area of patience when it comes to getting your kids home. I am sure it is much harder on a lot of these poor parents up here who have never waited like we have. Zach also had some reflux issues, so they had to move his bed back up from flat to upright. Again, a teeny, tiny baby step backwards, but not a huge big deal. It just means that we won't be going home any time in the next few days for sure, so don't ask!! Sorry, but it is the one question I continually get asked by everyone, and I understand the asking, but I hate continuing to say, "I don't know" when it comes to my own baby. I'm not in charge, and again, that's a very difficult concept for me when it comes to being in charge of my children.

I'm going to go back in and spend more time with Zach now. I'm at the hospital for a few hours and he is sleeping right now. It is so sweet to know that 2 of my 3 kids are sleeping. Wish it were me, too!

5 weeks old today

Zach says, "look, you can see all of my face!!"

I like how this pic shows his face, name, and footprints in the background.

I love it when he holds my finger.

So tiny, such cute piggies.

When I walked in the other day, this is how I found our sweet Z-man. Lobster was hanging out in his crib. The nurse thought Zach needed some loving.

Zachary is 5 weeks old today! It's funny, when someone asks how old he is, I have to stop and think. You see, when you are in the NICU, age is determined by gestational age still. So, I have to stop and think who is asking me. If I'm at the hospital, Zach is 36 and 4, or would be gestationally (in utero) 36 weeks and 4 days. If I am in the "real" world, he is now 5 weeks old. I know a lot of these pics are similar, but I wanted to post them b/c they show off Zachary's beautiful face. How awesome it is each time we walk in the room!

It was a beautiful day here today, over 70 degrees!! The kids (that includes Skip) enjoyed an awesome present we received at Christmas but hadn't gotten to use, a soccer goal for our back yard. We all had so much fun kicking it around and truly think that Emerald has a lot of potential to be quite the soccer player in her future. Calvin, well, he's got a ways to go. Then they had fun playing on the swingset, which has been renamed by the kids, Garmin. We've decided that it is now called Fort Garmin. Emerald thinks it is tall, like Daddy's work, so she's going to call it Garmin. Another funny story to share, on the way to school the other day Emerald had a hissy fit b/c I didn't put up my "map to show us where to go." She got mad at me for not using my "Garmin" to "tell us how to get there." She also told Daddy the exact same thing the night before. Skip told his co-worker that our GPS is making our child too dependent when we can't even drive the 0.8 miles to the school w/o use of the map. Pretty cute if you ask me.

I had tears yesterday. It was a rough day. I think I mentioned that Zach had to have another (standard) head ultrasound the other day. The results came back and there was a note that asked the nurses to call the neonatologist down to talk with me. That can't be good, right? He wanted to share that they did find a minor, very small bleed in Zach's brain. I've confirmed with many that this is fine, normal, not to worry at all! It still scares a mommy a little bit. So, yesterday they did an MRI on Zachary. Results were back and all is fine. They just wanted to do the MRI to make sure, confirm, that all was well. The doc said that he was really looking for major bleeds, and scarring that would show a major bleed. They didn't see any scarring at all, and the bleed that they saw really was small, minor. So, don't stress, just had to mention it. Then, yesterday Zachary wouldn't eat. He didn't take his bottles well for the nurses, and wouldn't nurse for me at all for one of the feedings. That was a first. He just wouldn't wake up. He was a super sleepy boy. It kind of freaked me out, b/c there was mention of possibly having to put his ng tube back in if he wouldn't eat. That would set us back a week or more if that were the case. I really didn't want him to step backwards! Luckily, he woke up at the next feeding and nursed for a half hour. Way to go Z man! He was a little sleepy thru the night last night, but didn't do too bad for me today. He also hadn't had a bowel movement in 3 1/2 days, and with a little help today, he filled 4 diapers in under 5 minutes. I think that was part of his problem with eating!

We spent a lot of today working on Zachary's room. It's starting to look like a place we could actually bring a baby home to!

I was going to blog last night, but it was a long, tiring night. Good thing I didn't write, b/c I was thinking of a post titled, "I'm tired" and was going to list all the things I am tired of, including most of all, that I am just tired. The running, the going, the constant scheduling for the big kids, the tired feeling of being split constantly, needing to stop for groceries or other things we need, or want for Zachary and the rest of the family and not wanting to take the time, tired of the small amount of time with my husband and kids, tired of Zach's room not being ready for him, tired of the dog being needy--how dare her :), tired of feeling guilty about Zach doing so well when so many other babies in the NICU aren't doing as well, tired of a constant mess in my house, tired of feeling lost and confused about some things, tired of trying to pump and not getting very much but knowing my baby needs it so much, tired of a lot of things. I think my post, had I written it last night, would have sounded much more negative than this, believe me. I feel differently today. I'm still tired, very tired, but my perspective has once again changed. Like always, you start feeling down on yourself and you talk to one other family and realize you don't have it so bad. Let me share a story:

The baby across the "street" from us when we were in the NICU was named Dawson. Dawson was born 4 months early and weighed 1 lb 4 oz at birth. His mom, Christy, and I talked quite a lot, seeing that we spent so much time near each other. I love Christy, she is such a down-to-earth person. She is from Hutchinson, which is near Skip's hometown of McPherson. Christy is also Catholic. I learned that Christy's husband, Aaron, passed away in August, and never met his baby boy. I feel so bad for Christy, being so far from home, having waited over 2 months with her little man in the hospital, not having her spouse to lean on in this trying time in life. However, you talk with Christy, and feeling bad or sorry is not something you even think of. She is always so happy, so positive. Christy is away from home, living in a friend's apartment. She's had so much to go thru. I share this story, not so you will feel bad for her, but so you might understand what I mean when I say that we can't feel bad for Zach's case. He is so much better than a lot of other babies in the NICU. There are so many other stories I've heard. Here is a link to the newspaper article written about Dawson last week, http://www.hutchnews.com/Print/tinylegacy

I also tell you this story to ask you to share your prayers with Christy, Dawson, and Christy's family. Dawson has had a really bad week and isn't doing so well. I feel so blessed that we have so many people praying for us, caring about us. I just ask that if you have even 30 seconds to ask God to be with and protect this loved little boy and his family. Thank you!

Calvin's birthday

Mommy and Daddy love you Calvin!! Happy 2nd birthday big boy!



Calvin woke up wondering where the Christmas tree went?

"Helping" make the cake.

still "helping"

Grandma enjoyed her time with the kids!

There's my birthday boy!!

Calvin loves having his family with him.

Posing with the finished product.

Blowing out his candle. He thought he was a pretty big boy!

Pop-pop teaching Calvin bad habits.

Hamming it up.

Emerald loves playing dress-up. Gotta love the red socks with the outfit. Can I use this one in the future w/ boyfriends?

I feel like such a bad mommy. I don't want anyone to think that Zach is my only concern right now!! I really have been keeping up with the other 2, also. I just know that Zach's condition changes almost daily and that is why he's been getting the spotlight lately. I just wish I could divide myself into 2 equal mommies and be at home all the time for Em & Cal, and be at the hospital for Z. It doesn't work that way, does it? Em yet again asked, "who's watching me today, where am I going today?" They don't even bat an eye as I run out the door day after day heading to the hospital. It's all just routine to them. I guess that's good, easier than if they were crying when I left. I'm so excited and nervous to see how they will react when we don't run off anymore, and when we have another family member here to divide our attention. It will be fun to watch!

We celebrated Calvin's birthday here at the house, nothing fancy at all. He had 3 of his grandparents here, so that was fun for him, along with Heidi, Jeff, and Josiah. Lucky for me, he's still too little to understand that there was no "big" party thrown for him. He did get to "help" make the cake, and enjoyed licking all the icing off fingers. Emerald of course had to "help" as well, telling Calvin how to do it the entire time. My life has been full of "helpers" lately and I do want to recognize that w/o all of you, we wouldn't be surviving. Thanks so much!!