5 weeks old today

Zach says, "look, you can see all of my face!!"

I like how this pic shows his face, name, and footprints in the background.

I love it when he holds my finger.

So tiny, such cute piggies.

When I walked in the other day, this is how I found our sweet Z-man. Lobster was hanging out in his crib. The nurse thought Zach needed some loving.

Zachary is 5 weeks old today! It's funny, when someone asks how old he is, I have to stop and think. You see, when you are in the NICU, age is determined by gestational age still. So, I have to stop and think who is asking me. If I'm at the hospital, Zach is 36 and 4, or would be gestationally (in utero) 36 weeks and 4 days. If I am in the "real" world, he is now 5 weeks old. I know a lot of these pics are similar, but I wanted to post them b/c they show off Zachary's beautiful face. How awesome it is each time we walk in the room!

It was a beautiful day here today, over 70 degrees!! The kids (that includes Skip) enjoyed an awesome present we received at Christmas but hadn't gotten to use, a soccer goal for our back yard. We all had so much fun kicking it around and truly think that Emerald has a lot of potential to be quite the soccer player in her future. Calvin, well, he's got a ways to go. Then they had fun playing on the swingset, which has been renamed by the kids, Garmin. We've decided that it is now called Fort Garmin. Emerald thinks it is tall, like Daddy's work, so she's going to call it Garmin. Another funny story to share, on the way to school the other day Emerald had a hissy fit b/c I didn't put up my "map to show us where to go." She got mad at me for not using my "Garmin" to "tell us how to get there." She also told Daddy the exact same thing the night before. Skip told his co-worker that our GPS is making our child too dependent when we can't even drive the 0.8 miles to the school w/o use of the map. Pretty cute if you ask me.

I had tears yesterday. It was a rough day. I think I mentioned that Zach had to have another (standard) head ultrasound the other day. The results came back and there was a note that asked the nurses to call the neonatologist down to talk with me. That can't be good, right? He wanted to share that they did find a minor, very small bleed in Zach's brain. I've confirmed with many that this is fine, normal, not to worry at all! It still scares a mommy a little bit. So, yesterday they did an MRI on Zachary. Results were back and all is fine. They just wanted to do the MRI to make sure, confirm, that all was well. The doc said that he was really looking for major bleeds, and scarring that would show a major bleed. They didn't see any scarring at all, and the bleed that they saw really was small, minor. So, don't stress, just had to mention it. Then, yesterday Zachary wouldn't eat. He didn't take his bottles well for the nurses, and wouldn't nurse for me at all for one of the feedings. That was a first. He just wouldn't wake up. He was a super sleepy boy. It kind of freaked me out, b/c there was mention of possibly having to put his ng tube back in if he wouldn't eat. That would set us back a week or more if that were the case. I really didn't want him to step backwards! Luckily, he woke up at the next feeding and nursed for a half hour. Way to go Z man! He was a little sleepy thru the night last night, but didn't do too bad for me today. He also hadn't had a bowel movement in 3 1/2 days, and with a little help today, he filled 4 diapers in under 5 minutes. I think that was part of his problem with eating!

We spent a lot of today working on Zachary's room. It's starting to look like a place we could actually bring a baby home to!

I was going to blog last night, but it was a long, tiring night. Good thing I didn't write, b/c I was thinking of a post titled, "I'm tired" and was going to list all the things I am tired of, including most of all, that I am just tired. The running, the going, the constant scheduling for the big kids, the tired feeling of being split constantly, needing to stop for groceries or other things we need, or want for Zachary and the rest of the family and not wanting to take the time, tired of the small amount of time with my husband and kids, tired of Zach's room not being ready for him, tired of the dog being needy--how dare her :), tired of feeling guilty about Zach doing so well when so many other babies in the NICU aren't doing as well, tired of a constant mess in my house, tired of feeling lost and confused about some things, tired of trying to pump and not getting very much but knowing my baby needs it so much, tired of a lot of things. I think my post, had I written it last night, would have sounded much more negative than this, believe me. I feel differently today. I'm still tired, very tired, but my perspective has once again changed. Like always, you start feeling down on yourself and you talk to one other family and realize you don't have it so bad. Let me share a story:

The baby across the "street" from us when we were in the NICU was named Dawson. Dawson was born 4 months early and weighed 1 lb 4 oz at birth. His mom, Christy, and I talked quite a lot, seeing that we spent so much time near each other. I love Christy, she is such a down-to-earth person. She is from Hutchinson, which is near Skip's hometown of McPherson. Christy is also Catholic. I learned that Christy's husband, Aaron, passed away in August, and never met his baby boy. I feel so bad for Christy, being so far from home, having waited over 2 months with her little man in the hospital, not having her spouse to lean on in this trying time in life. However, you talk with Christy, and feeling bad or sorry is not something you even think of. She is always so happy, so positive. Christy is away from home, living in a friend's apartment. She's had so much to go thru. I share this story, not so you will feel bad for her, but so you might understand what I mean when I say that we can't feel bad for Zach's case. He is so much better than a lot of other babies in the NICU. There are so many other stories I've heard. Here is a link to the newspaper article written about Dawson last week, http://www.hutchnews.com/Print/tinylegacy

I also tell you this story to ask you to share your prayers with Christy, Dawson, and Christy's family. Dawson has had a really bad week and isn't doing so well. I feel so blessed that we have so many people praying for us, caring about us. I just ask that if you have even 30 seconds to ask God to be with and protect this loved little boy and his family. Thank you!