He's still our lobster!!

Can you tell he is filling out more?

OK, I just had to buy this bib when we were in Maine! Since he was our "lobster" it was only appropriate. Maybe it won't be quite so huge on him in what, a year?? Pretty cute in my opinion! We did have to rip it out of Emerald's hands b/c she wanted Mango to wear Lobster's bib.

Zach remained in his crib all day and all night. We were warned that there might be a chance that he would have to go back to his isolette if his body temp dropped or if he lost weight. They moved the isolette out of his "cubicle" entirely today, so we are pretty confident that they won't need it now!! Yeah for Zachary! You are such a trooper little man! It is so incredible to walk into his room and seem him in a little bed with our clothes on him, and with our blankets under and over him. He is feeling more like a little baby now, instead of this scary doll that we shouldn't touch.

So many of you have asked what type of living arrangements little Zach has. He is in a 42 bed NICU. They have each baby inside a little "cubicle" which consists of 3 walls that are about 3/4 high, with curtains at the top which remain closed most of the time. The other wall is a curtain that is open most of the time, or you can close it for privacy. It is kind of funny, b/c you sit in your little room and even though there is a privacy issue, you can't help but hear what is going on around you. Zach is on Sunflower Street, as they name each little wing of the unit a different flower name and have the walls painted rather cute. I'll try to take pics sometime soon.

The baby beside us went home tonight. He was born at 24 weeks, and had been in the NICU for about 12 weeks. It is always emotional for me to see a family going home b/c it is nice to know that they really do let us take our babies home at some point! Being side-by-side neighbors, we have talked a lot with that family and are really happy for them. We know our time will come soon. It is weird b/c the 3 babies close to Zach have all left in the last 10 days or so. We are beginning to wonder if Zach is scaring them off?? Maybe it's all those stinky diapers!! Man that boy can go thru some diapers. He also has a very nasty diaper rash right now, and they are trying to make it better. Poor little Zach.

We took an infant CPR class tonight--a requirement for all NICU parents prior to discharge. No, that doesn't mean we are being discharged any time soon, it is just something we can get done now (especially while my mom is here to watch Em and Cal) so we got it done. We took this class for adoption requirements, too. We scared another pregnant couple in the class tonight, b/c there were 2 of us couples from the NICU in the class, both born about 9 weeks early. The poor pregnant couples had this look of fear hearing our story, and I hated letting them hear us.

Calvin and Emerald have loved having grandma here this week. I think maybe they are pushing her just a little and trying to get their way. Our sweet Calvin turns 2 in a week!! How did that happen?? Seriously, I was holding Zach yesterday, then came home and was just holding Calvin. He was tired and just laid in my arms looking up at me, letting me rock him. It was such a super sweet moment for the 2 of us. However, he did feel like a huge monster at the time. I remember when we brought Calvin home and Emerald felt so huge. Now my "big" little boy is seeming to grow up even faster overnight. He really can be such a cuddler at times, when he wants.

Emerald had a great day at school today. When I picked her up the teacher was trying to decipher Zach's status vs what Emerald was reporting. She said Emerald told her "Zach is in Calvin's crib now." Which, impressively, the teacher figured meant he was in a crib, but assumed he wasn't home yet. Our sweet little munchkins--so strange to wonder how they are deciphering all this chaos.

It's nearly midnight and I really need at least a couple of hours of sleep before waking again. So, for now, that is all I will report. I will try to remember my camera tomorrow and take pics of Zach in his crib. I forgot it tonight--too much to think of gosh darn it. I really feel like a chicken with my head cut off now. Running around, feeling like I'm accomplishing nothing and everything just keeps piling up around me. I keep thinking one of these days I will have my house back in order, and everything back together, right??

HE'S IN A CRIB!!

My sweet baby boy is in a crib now!! He has been there since 8 this morning and his temp has actually been on the warm side--awesome news!! They said there is a chance he may end up back in the isolette if his temp drops or if his weight doesn't increase and/or drops, but for now, HE'S IN A CRIB!!

I'm at the hospital now, waiting for something, and will write more later. Gotta fight snow on my drive home, blizzard like early tonight. Gotta go help daddy and grandma at some point. Just wanted to write this good news!

2 weeks ago our lives changed!

Happy 2 week bday little Z man!! 2 weeks ago our world was changed--changed in a way that will forever be in my memory and my heart. It is nowhere near what I had anticipated, but then again, a lot of my life is like that. Another reminder that we only think we are in charge, He truly does lead us! I was telling Skip that all those years of anticipating and it just wasn't what I thought it would be. Not in a bad way, Zachary just wanted his own special, unique birth story, too, just like Emerald and Calvin each have. I do have to say that we were also discussing the moment of finding out whether Zach was a boy or girl, something you all know I was eagerly anticipating, having been to about 6 sonograms and denying that information, just wasn't what I had expected, either. At that moment, 2 weeks ago, it didn't matter whether my baby had boy or girl parts at all--the only thing that mattered was that he was ok, breathing, and able to survive. I never really spent much time thinking about whether I'd find out the sex of my baby in that way. The chaos of the moment, the scared feelings we both had, and wanting to know that our baby was ok far exceeded the importance of gender. They told us it was a boy, and that really just went right over my head, I just wanted to know that he was breathing, that he was ok, and how big he was (so I could justify that he really was ok). I also know that at about that moment I was also about to pass out, they said my blood pressure dropped really low for a moment, and I remember it happening as I felt myself almost going to sleep. It was a scary feeling, and not something I want to re-visit any time soon. That was not how I had anticipated finding out about my baby being a boy, but that's how it happened.

Anyway, now that it's been 2 weeks I can drive again! This is huge news in our world, b/c now I don't have to depend on someone else to help me out with kids and transport me to the hospital. I drove myself to the hospital tonight and was able to spend some awesome quality time with Zachary. He is doing fantastic!!! When I first got there they told us his weight from last night was 3 lb 11 oz. Then they weighed him again before I left and 3 times in a row (the nurse couldn't believe the results) he was up to 3 lb 15 oz!!! I don't know how such a little man can gain 4 oz in a 24 hour period, but if it's true he has surpassed his birth weight!! What a little trooper we have. They have upped his feedings a little bit, from 32 to 35 cc's. They also lowered his air temp in his isolette and said that he may move to a crib in the next couple of days--I don't plan to get my hopes up until it happens (you'll hear me say this a lot). The nurse practioner was going to take out his nasal canulla today, but each time he eats he keeps dropping his stats so they have him at 0.1 L of oxygen and 21% (the same as you and I breathe) until he eats, then they sometimes bump it up to 24% or 25%. That is really not much at all, but just enuf for our little Z man. Sad news of the day is that Zach has his first diaper rash, and it is kind of nasty. Poor little red hiney, I just hate that for him. As if he isn't

I got 2 1/2 hours of Zach loving time tonight (holding him)!! Man did it feel incredible!! Mean nurse has been there for 2 or 3 days, and she is gone! Nice nurse was on tonight and she was all about him having some mama loving time. I just loved being able to cradle hold him, then pull him up and kiss all over that sweet smelling head. He is just so darn cute. He pretty much slept the entire time, but that's ok with me. He was smiling in his sleep and it was so sweet. It is amazing to think that he is still supposed to be inside of me for another 6 weeks, but I guess I am lucky b/c I get that much more time loving on my little man. Emerald was pretty sweet tonight b/c she just out of the blue told us she loved both her brothers and couldn't wait for Zach to come home so she could teach both brothers new things. We are so lucky that our kids get along so well. We are eager to watch the interactions with the new sibling like we have watched Em and Cal. I hated at the end of my time having to put him back in his bed. I always get a little sappy when I have to hand him back to the nurse, it makes me sad like I don't want him anymore, like I am "done playing with my doll now" kind of feeling. That is so not the case at all!! Of course, we are reminded by the nurses that he does his most growth and brain development when he is sleeping peacefully in his bed. It helps to know that we are doing good to lay him down. I am truly afraid that this child may get a little more spoiled b/c of this situation.

My mom comes tomorrow!! We are super excited to be getting more help again. Besides finding time to chase 2 young kids, run to the hospital, and try to maintain the house, laundry, mail, bills, etc., we also somehow need to find time to prepare this house for Zachary's arrival. We started putting Christmas stuff away today, which helps. We are so behind! We had planned to work the week of New Year's on changing the guest room into the nursery. Now we need to do some shopping for Zach items, clean out a guest bed, and move in our baby items to set it all up. Sounds a lot easier than it is with Emerald and Calvin "helping" and having their own needs, let alone taking about 4+ hours a day to devote to Zach (if we can find it). Wish us luck in this endeavor!

I know I'm rambling, but it's late and I'm pretty exhausted tonight. I really appreciate you all reading the blog and keeping up with our Pankewich family happenings. It is a blessing that so many of you can keep up to date via the blog. We are trying to stay in touch with many of you, but we just don't seem to have enuf hours in our day. This helps that you can read this instead of us having to recount each day's news over and over again. We are also feeling extremely blessed with the amount of love, support, and prayers coming our way. Thank you everyone!! Keep the prayers focused on strength for our baby Zachary. He is doing well, and we know how fragile his condition is for now.

Friday was a fun day with Daddy

The entire family had fun today! We took Emers and Cal to Chuck-E-Cheese's today. They had so much fun! I couldn't tell which of my 3 kids had the most fun :) Em and Cal especially loved riding the horsey, and it was adorable how they took turns cheering the other on! I am so proud of Emerald and what a wonderful big sister she is, always watching out for her little brother. I am hoping she'll continue this with Zach and will teach Calvin how to do the same. Skip had a lot of fun shooting baskets and driving the race car games, and in helping the kids. We really wanted to have some positive time with these 2 b/c all we feel lately is that we've been shuffling them around (as per Emerald's comments tonight before bed, "where am I going to tomorrow, who's watching me?"), getting on them all the time to clean up, hurry up, and pushing them constantly on schedules and nap withdrawals. We were very happy to spend the positive, fun time focused on them today!! The kids even ended their day with the loudest giggles we've heard in a long time. After bath tonight the sounds of laughter, giggles, Old McDonald, and many other happy songs could be heard floating thru our house. Daddy knows just how to make those kids smile every time!

After the fun time at CEC my sweet friend from high school, Anita, allowed the kids to come and have a play date at her house. The kids loved plaing with her son, Reese, and all of his toys. We loved that we got some alone time with Zach! Thanks Anita and Reese!!

We got to the NICU just in time today to "help" with a feeding. A lactation consultant came in to speak with me about various aspects of breastfeeding. This was somewhat helpful, although she was a little hard to understand. Zach's doesn't seem to be doing too bad, for his size/age. We'll keep working on it. Zach gained another 2 ounces!!! He is now working his way back to his birth weight (which was 3-14 as a reminder) and is now at 3 lb 10 3/4 oz. That 3/4 oz is important to us right now :) While we were there he went thru 4 diapers in about 20 minutes. Little stinker is a great way to describe those 20 minutes!! :) We didn't mind one bit, though. Daddy got some wonderful alert/awake time with Zach. He was so alert, turning back and forth toward our voices. Even the nurse commented on this. Zach was awake for over an hour today, and it was awesome to see him so responsive to us.

The nurse practioner (man there are so many different people involved in this process) came in today while we were there and checked him out. Yet another person telling us that he is doing well, which we agree with. She started talking about when we move him to the crib (more like an open air bassinet really). He is close, has to work on another degree with air temp. This is exciting for us b/c that is just another positive step in the right direction, and something we know has to happen before we can leave. The nurse also started giving us a few items to "check off" before discharge (which is not happening soon, just that we can work on getting them done now) like taking a CPR class (something we had to do for the adoption process, too), watching a car-seat video, and work on some paperwork. We are all for this, b/c when discharge comes we want to be ready to jump in the car and bring him home (at least I think I'll be ready by then, I hope).

Zach remains on his nasal canulla for now, but today was down to 0.1 L and at 21%, which is actually the same % we breathe. It's not very much oxygen, but he needs this little bit for now, and we are ok with that. I would love to see him breathing completely on his own, which will happen, but for now this little bit is what he needs.

Daddy hasn't quite accomplished all he wanted to do this week. He was determined to "whip this house in shape". I know he is working his butt off, but there is just so much to do in simply keeping up with Em and Cal, let alone running around to the hospital and trying to catch up from Christmas. My prayers for the day include a huge thankgiving prayer for my husband, who has been wonderful thru this all, and who is working hard at keeping me happy and healthy, keeping his kids laughing and loved, and keeping Zach in the front of all our minds. He is wonderful! We also pray that Em & Cal continue to take this all in stride. Pray that Zach keeps gaining weight and making postive strides.

Some cute pics of my boys!

Daddy is training Calvin early--cheering on the Sooners for the National Championship game tonight. Here is showing us "touchdown".

Daddy and Zachary always have such a good time with each other. He is always so alert with daddy.

Just staring up at daddy.

This isn't the best picture, but this is Zachary the first time he got to wear clothes! This is a preemie size and it is still huge on him. Thanks Aunt Heidi and Uncle Jeff for this cute outfit!

This was a little half-smile he was giving us. He still has his nasal cannula in, but not too bad.

I had a weepy day today, but I've been told by many that it is ok to be a tear-filled mommy! Skip was awesome and took me to the hospital, dropped me off, and took the big kids to the mall to purchase a couple of items. Impressive! I got to hold Zach and we tried nursing again, which seemed to go just a little bit better today, baby steps!! It is just awesome for me to get the chance to snuggle with my baby boy! Great news today, Zach had a head sonogram that has been scheduled and rescheduled several times the last few days. This is a head scan (please forgive me all you NICU nurses if I'm not explaining this exactly correctly) that looks for deep cranial bleeds. They automatically do this scan on all babies born before 32 weeks. I guess the babies don't really show any symptoms, but if they find any bleeds they can correct the problem pretty easily. They never seemed really concerned with Zach, it is just routine. They said since he was close to 32 weeks, and a C-section baby, the chances of having a bleed was really small. We just feel like another hurdle is crossed when they told us the scan came back clear!! One less thing to worry about with our little Z man. The nurse was also talking with me about moving our man to an open air crib, which could happen w/in the next couple of weeks. They really want him to gain some weight first, b/c it uses up a lot of calories to maintain his body temp in the crib. He still has his nasal cannula in today, but in talking with other mom's in the parent room today, it sounds like Zach's numbers are so low comparatively speaking. We breathe 21% oxygen in the air in our environment. They have Zach at 28%, so really not too bad. The other 2 moms in the parent room were talking numbers like 80% and 50% and spoke of how their babies were intubated for 6 weeks and couldn't yet breathe on their own at all. I'm very positive with Zach's breathing and know that he will be fine all too soon, using those healthy lungs to add to the noise at the Pankewich household!

My poor Emerald had her first "sad face" at school today. Her teacher is being so totally patient with her in this situation. I know that Emerald is out of her routine, torn and trying to interpret things in her own way for a 3 year old. I guess she didn't listen to the teacher and got in trouble. As a teacher, this is so hard to hear, but yet, so understandable from both the teacher and mommy point of view. As we pray for Zach's health, we also pray that our other 2 angels continue to handle this change well and hang in there while mommy and daddy split their time!

Skip says to add--go OU!! We are currently watching the Sooners and are hoping daddy is a happy camper after tonight is over.

PS I know I still have the "Lobster" button at the top of our page. I love leaving this up there to remind me that we were supposed to have XX number of days left before Zachary joined our family. I will take it down, but I'm just not ready yet.

A Happy Wednesday

We got to visit the hospital today, just Skip and I, thanks to Aunt Heidi and her sis-in-law, Eleanor--thanks ladies!! We were hoping that by being there for 3 hours on our own we'd get a lot of time to hold our little man (and many photo opps were scheduled in my mind), but we had strict nurse lady today. She wouldn't get him out until his feeding time, which was about the time we'd planned to leave. We finally got to hold him, and she did suggest/allow me to try to nurse Zach!!!! It (understandably) wasn't a "perfect" situation being the first nursing session, but we are going to slowly start this learning process. The nurse was describing to us that he has to learn to suck, something that doesn't usually happen until 34 or 35 weeks, and that we'd have to train him. It was a great first try and we will continue to try again. Daddy got some good holding time in after I tried to nurse him and as usual Zach was wide-eyed and extra awake for daddy-o. He is just so super sweet!

We went up last night, as well, and had planned to take turns w/ the big kids in the family waiting room. When we were approaching the hospital, Calvin got super excited, saying, "go hospital, see Zachary." We were quite surprised by his excitement, and honestly couldn't deny him a visit to see his baby brother. They didn't do too bad, just normal 2 and 4 year old energy trying to be contained in the NICU--you can only imagine! I got to hold Zach and the kids could see him better that way. They touched his foot, which was under a blanket, and that seemed to make them pretty happy. I, of course, forgot the camera, and missed a cute moment. I know I'll have many years of snapping pics of the 3 together!

Zach is staying at 3 lb 8 1/2 oz for now, and tolerating his feeds super-well. Unfortunatly we had to face our first step backwards, all-be-it a minor step! They had to put the nasal canula back on Zach as he had a "spell" and was hovering toward the lower end of what they like to see. Zach just needs a very minor amount of oxygen to help him out and we are ok with that for now. If that is the only "bad" thing we have to face, it is not bad at all. They have taken away his heat from his bed and luckily we brought clothes for him today. He finally is wearing clothes!! The preemie outfit that seemed so tiny at home was large on him for now. It is so sweet to see him in clothing (doesn't that sound so minor?) and makes him seem more like my baby than just a little doll.

Have I described another minor new-mom thing yet? I can't remember, but will describe it again: changing Zach's diaper!! We are lucky enough to get to do 2 parent things, take his temperature and change his diaper. This tiny littly hiney (3 1/2 pounds remember) wearing a preemie diaper that is way too big for him. When he is poopy you have to try to wipe him down, but keep all the wires out of the way, inside of his isolette, working thru these 2 small hand holes. I honestly feel like a helpless new mommy who has never in her life seen a diaper before in my life!! If you actually need another wipe you have to reach outside of the isolette and rather far away from the baby to get to the wipes. Then, trying to put his diaper back on and trying to get it tight enough and tucked under, wires out, feet not crooked, working around all the extra equipment. It is seriously difficult!!! I guess maybe when we come home all those diaper changes will be easy, right? God has a way of making you see things thru different eyes every once in a while.

We are waiting on some blood results to come back this week, so positive prayers for a good result! We also have a cranial scan scheduled first thing in the morning. It may be a day or 2 before we get results, and again, positive prayers for good results!! We know there are many hurdles still to jump, but Zach continues to prove to us that he truly is our miracle baby!

Zach is now a "feeder/grower" baby, and the other 2 are a little spoiled!

Calvin was waving at his brother saying good-bye. It was so sweet, he did this all on his own. Don't you just love how long his hair is right now? It was our plan to cut it before Christmas, but hasn't happened yet. Poor child!

Emerald was quite curious to touch her brother in his new "house"

Nana and Pop Pop finally got to meet their grandson.

Calvin touching Zach's foot. He did such a good job of being quiet. Zach must have magical powers.

This was the best picture I could get for now w/o his nasal canula in. More of this new look to come later.

A very curious Calvin seeing his baby brother for the first time.

You miss a day or 2 and can't remember what all I need to report!! I got to visit the hospital yesterday and today, thanks to my wonderful family!! Yesterday I was an emotional basket case, ask Skip. When I got there, I had the nicest nurse and she asked if she could do anything, I was crying. I just told her I "needed" to hold my baby. She said of course and in lightening speed she had him in my arms. I don't know why, but I just had that urge to hold him!! As I sat and just loved on my baby boy, they were operating on the baby in the cubical behind us. It seemed like a fairly routine procedure, but don't know exactly what it was. I was just sitting there thanking God that Zach didn't need any surgeries! We have been so lucky with him!! After the surgery was over, and I was just relaxing with a sweet sleeping baby on my chest, the baby that had the surgery crashed. It was super scary being able to hear doctors and nurses frantic, running, rushing to do what they could to save the baby. She is fine, thank God, but it turned this emotional mommy into a completely tear-filled woman. I couldn't stop crying and I know I squeezed tiny little Zach maybe a little too tight. It is all relative, in my world. Is his a regular, normal delivery? No, but we are so fortunate b/c he is doing awesome, and compared to many in the NICU, he has very low needs, which is great news!! We just continue to pray that this continues!

Zachary has really upped his feedings!! He was at 16 mL's Sat., then by Sun he was up to 32 and is at full feedings!! He has continued to tolerate it all well and has little or no risidual with each feeding, so he is digesting it all. Way to go little Z man!! This will only help pack on those pounds. He is now up to 3 lb 8 1/2 oz which is up from 3 lb 6 oz a few days ago. We love to hear he is gaining. He also got his IV line out, b/c he is getting no more IV fluids, antibiotics, or anything extra, just straight milk (thru a feeding tube in his nose). It is awesome to see it out of his foot, b/c it looked so uncomfortable. I had one in my arm for 3 days and it is so sore right now, bruised, and I didn't want that for him. So, besides the normal wires monitoring temp, and other vital stats, he only has his feeding tube! The nurse today called him a "feeder/grower baby". This means we feed him and watch him grow big and strong--yea!! The nurse today was pregnant, due March 5, about 2 weeks after Zach's original due date. It was weird to see her pg and know that basically, that was me just 10 days ago. How much can change in a blink of an eye! Makes you stop for a prayer of thanksgiving for what you have when you have it!! The baby beside us and across from us are set to go home this week. It is great to see that discharge will happen, eventually! The twins on our row left for Dubi (sp??) this morning. Guess Zach is going to get some new neighbors soon, or hopefully not at all, but as full as the NICU is I would think someone will come soon.

On the home-front we are losing Skip's parents today. They just left for home. I can't begin to tell them, and my parents, enough thank you's!!! I know I gave my sis-in-law advice recently, "let the company help you, that is what they are there for. Don't worry about asking for help!" Man is that a lot easier said than done! I totally suck at asking for help--way too independent. This is a life-lesson moment for me, and it is very difficult having to lean on so many people to help us out. We have been so thankful to have extra hands around, mostly for the big kids for now. Skip is taking off work starting tomorrow this entire week, and my mom is set to come the following week. We also have people bringing us meals-thanks!, and many other offers of help. I need to accept the fact that we need help right now, and know that I'd expect the same of someone else in need. It is just hard! Please encourage me in this area of life!!

I went to church yesterday. It was hard being at church. I specifically remember the time when we first brought each child to church--it was such a special moment b/c we got each child on the Thurs/Fri before Easter. So, we took them to Easter service. We had just been at church Christmas Eve, and since then have been thru so much, yet the church looks the same. We talked with our neighbors at church after, and they asked how I felt, not even knowing what had happened. So weird to know how fast life can change. It will be a precious moment for me to first bring Zachary to church with his siblings.

Emerald came with Nana yesterday to drop me off at the hospital. She and Nana then went to McDonald's and had a fun time! She also opened another Christmas present from Aunt Gracie and Uncle Ed and loved her new princess dress. She (and Calvin) have loved wearing the heels around the house. She admitted that she was "the princess" and told us a couple of times that "the princess doesn't like that." We will have to see about that!! She has been quick to bring the tears, fast with the word "no" and difficult to fall asleep at night. She goes back to school tomorrow and hopefully that will help with some "normalcy" for her. I keep reminding myself that they, too, have been thru a lot and that this is probably tough on their little minds to comprehend it all and understand why we aren't there for them as much as normal. Calvin has been quite the stinker, asking for Nana when things don't go his way. He seems a little less bothered by it all, but after all he still has his precious big sister around to boss him around, life is normal!! Luckily they have had the hords of new Christmas toys to help distract them for the most part, and a whole lot of love from grandparents, an aunt and uncle, cousin, and friends. Maybe with daddy home this week "whipping this place into shape" things will feel a little more normal??? Maybe not!

I am recovering as best as I can. I am still pretty sore, but seem to be getting a little stronger each day. I have to admit, it hurts! We stopped at Toys R Us and Target after the hospital (which was after church) yesterday and I felt it by the time I got home. I hit a wall. I am doing well and then just fizzle out! I am trying to rest as much as I can, eat well (not much of a problem there) and devote my energy to loving on all 3 of my kids. I do have to admit emotionally I've been up and down, but I truly feel I have the right! I have a baby in the NICU, and any mommy in that situation has every right to cry a little, right? He is doing so well, though. Holding him seems to fix a lot of my weepiness and helps remind me that yes, we do have a newborn, and yes, he is doing well. I hope Zachary isn't going to end up spoiled, b/c I can see when he comes home I am going to do a lot more holding than I did with my other 2. That is just the way it is for now! I figure if you add up the number of hourse, he will have missed out on so much his first month, we can average it all out by the time he is a few months old. I do have to say, that Skip's back is much better now, and thank goodness! He was down and out for a few days and I was really starting to worry who would end up taking care of whom this week!

Keep praying for Zach, for my recovery, for a sense of normal for the big kids, and for Skip who is a work-horse right now. Pray that Nana and Pop Pop recover, and that my mom rests up before next week! Thanks to everyone, for everything! You are all what help make us survive these days

Saturday visit

Zach got his nasal canula (sp?) out today!! Now he only has his feeding tube in, and an IV port. They are done with his IV, but will leave it in for awhile longer just to make sure. I was able to be at the hospital yesterday for about 6 or 7 hours, which was awesome! I held him for 2 straight hours, and listend to him breathe on my chest. He slept peacefully the entire time. He is easier to hold these days with fewer wires/tubes in him. He also doesn't have to be under the bili lights, so that helps. They did mention they might put him back under those again tomorrow but not for long. Since I was there for so long yesterday, I had the chance to visit with a few other parents in the unit. I am sure being in this situation, you all get to know each other and each situation pretty well. It is all perspective!! The boy next to us was born at 24 weeks, and he is doing well and hopefully going home next week. The 2 babies around us had surgery yesterday. We feel blessed that Zachary is where he is and that we have a healthy baby boy who is taking positive steps each day. It felt so awesome to spend that time with him. I did step away for awhile when they changed his line from his belly button to his foot. Some things mommies just don't need to hear. After that is when I just got to hold him and comfort him. That is what mommies are supposed to do!

They have upped his feedings and he is doing great. They were upping him 1 per 6 hours, but now they upped it 2 every 3 hours! Pack on the pounds, Zachary! They are also taking away a fatty substance they had been giving him, so that is done. In his isolette they are trying to work on him with body temperature, but aren't pushing him too hard. Their main focus is breathing on his own-yeah, and feedings.

Calvin, Nana and Pop Pop met Zachary today! Emerald got her 2nd visit in with him today, too. I think that they all had a good time. Calvin was remarkably quiet, shock, shock, while he was talking with Zach. Calvin seemed to enjoy his visit. Emerald was just super excited to help bring Zach's milk to the hospital. I think Nana and Pop Pop enjoyed finally seeing this surprise. I'm too tired right now, but will post pics later.

Ok, this mommy needs some rest. I'll write more later. Lost of love and thanks to all.

Friday update

Just got back from the hospital for a long visit with Zach. Skip worked today, the kids had an exciting day with Nana and Pop Pop at Cabella's, the T-Rex Cafe, and interesting time with a bull :), and many other things that they had to share with us this evening. So many exciting stories from our munchkins!


Zach is doing great! They removed his bili lights and now he is w/o his shades, too. They have upped his feeding quite a lot and he is still doing great with no risidual left after feedings. They gave him his last antibiotics tonight, another postitive step. More later.

Happy New Years to all!

Zachary wide-eyed and loving the mommy/daddy time and attention.

Cal loves his new dinosaurs.

Emers-"the princess doesn't like this" says she in Cinderella dress and holding a dinosaur. We opened more gifts tonight, thus the odd outfit.

Zach in his new bed. Note the lobster on top. He's still our lobster!

Man I love holding him.

So sweet.

Daddy having some quality time with his boy. He looks especially little in Skip's hands.

Wow, it feels like I need to post a lot of info. We came home yesterday. It is the oddest feeling leaving the hospital w/o a baby in hand when you came into the hospital with him in utero. We were discharged from the room, then went up to the NICU to say goodbye. While we were there, they asked if I wanted to hold him--duh. However, I waited as Skip was loading the car at the time with all our stuff. When he got to the NICU he finally got to hold his little boy. What a sweet moment for both of us. Unfortunatly, the camera was taken to the car, so I missed this wonderful photo opp. Zachary was so responsive to us as Skip held him. We were both talking to him, and his eyes were fully open and he was turning toward each of us listening to us talk. He was also doing the ohhh and ahhhh with his mouth, too. What a sweet, incredible time with him. They have been feeding him thru his tube and he is handling things great. They also lowered the amount of oxygen he gets, almost to room temp percentage. This is great news! Zach just keeps making his baby steps with forward progress. Leaving, though, turned me into an emotional wreck. We just walked out of the NICU, empty-handed, and walked down to the car. Loading up the car with just me, and driving away. Yes, I cried. Yes, I know, you don't have to tell me--it is the best place for him, he is where he needs to be. I know all of this, and it doesn't make it any easier!!! It hit me really hard at home. I LOVED seeing my sweet munchkins, and they seemed pretty excited to have Skip and I home. All the sweet comments from both kids, and the hugs. It made it such a sweet homecoming. Emerald saying prayers for her brother to get strong so he can come home--ohhhh so sweet. They were also very sweet to me, not wanting to hurt my owwie.

I will share a sweet moment, that may be too much info for some of you. If this is you, skip this paragraph! I am on a schedule trying to pump every 3 hours. We knew that this would be interesting when we came home. How would the kids try to imitate this action? Emerald was 100% intrigued by the pumping and watching the "milk for Zachary" come into the bottles. It is interesting, b/c if I was actually nursing a baby, they wouldn't be able to actually see the milk. This makes it a little more real maybe. She was cheering me on, "way to go mommy, good job" and proceeded to announce to the house what was happening. "Pop-pop you want to see?" was maybe the funniest comment of all. It is all such a fun learning experience for them all (even us).

Surely after Zach comes home we will get to explain and imitate an entire new process!

Last night, New Years, found everyone in the Pankewich household in bed before midnight. Sad, but it just didn't feel much like a holiday and we were exhausted. I feel asleep after bawling my head off. Hormones, pain, leaving Zach, and seeing the big kids just really got to me. My poor sweet husband! He is a trooper and being such an incredible partner/friend to me when I need him most. We are sure that Zach celebrated with all the other babies in the NICU having some champagne/milk cocktail and whooping and hollering together. :)

Today we rested at home for awhile. We also actually finished opening some Christmas presents tonight. Quite the long week it's been! Skip and I headed up to the hospital for a few hours which felt really good. When we got there, Zach was in a new bed. He has been moved to an isolette which is a good step. His feedings have gone well today, too. They are hoping to take the bili lights off tomorrow. We got to hold him for about an hour and a half. Skip started by holding him and he was so alert. Again, his eyes were open and he would take turns turing his head from each of us as we spoke to him. I'd say he was awake for about half and hour or more. This was such fun for both of us! We really appreciated being able to have this time with Zach today. After Skip held him, I got a chance, too. I also got the opportunity to take his temp and change his diaper!! I felt like a brand new parent changing the diaper. It's not like I haven't done this before! Of course, doing this inside the isolette with all the cords attached and his preemie diapers that are still too big for his little bum. It was so not easy! Steph, don't laugh at me! Hopefully we will get more used to this as time goes on. I do have to say, everyone in the NICU has been wonderful, and patient, as we continue to learn each new step of this process. It was sad leaving the house, b/c poor Emers thought that maybe we were going back long-term. She seemed pretty sad.

Tomorrow the big kids are going to T-Rex and Cabella's with Pop-pop and Nana. That should be a fun day for them (yeah, they deserve that right now). Skip is going to work again, and I think I will go up to the hospital for a long stay. Then, it's the weekend.

Pictures finally and home

Daddy's hand and Zach's itty bitty tiny baby foot. I am in love with this picture.

Our little boy at a day old. In this picture he is intubated. That has come out since.

Doesn't he look just like a miniature baby doll? I look awful, too many tears!! This was the first time holding him.

The bright lights shining down on our superstar. Grandma looking on.

He is so sweet just laying there, sleeping. We have enjoyed just listening to him breathing and crying.

Daddy and his boy.

Mommy getting to hold her little one for the first time.

He is under some pretty bright lights. We are loving his shades!

Aunt Heidi and Uncle Jeff meeting Zach for the first time.

Grandma and Grandpa checking out little Zach.

Grandma couldn't wait to touch her new grandson.

Emerald's first viewing of her baby brother.

We are home now. It was a lot harder leaving the hospital than I thought. Too many tears. It was awesome coming hom to my beautiful "big" kids. They seemed pretty happy to have Skip and I home. Happy New Years to everyone. We just pray for health and happiness for EVERYONE this new year. We were all in bed before midnight last night. Didn't really feel much like a holiday. Seriously, was Christmas just a week ago? The longest week of my life I think.

More later, updates on Zach. I just wanted to post pics finally.