Worried..........

I am anxious........worried...........nervous..........scared!!!!! How do I look at that adorable face, in those precious eyes, and wonder if something can be wrong?????

We had our MRI yesterday. It was AWFUL!!! It took 3 nurses to get his IV in. 3 nurses!! The first nurse poked him in the arm, twice (and we aren't saying one tiny poke either, we are talking about digging for the vein), the other arm, the foot. Then the second nurse poked him in the arm, the hand, the other foot. Then they called in "the expert" nurse who poked him in arm, the foot the hand, and back to the arm. Finally! she got it in. We are talking about 25 minutes of holding him down, screaming, tears from him (and me) and poking on my little angel!! This is a baby who nearly NEVER cries, so for me it is almost harder to see him crying. His face was all blotchy, and the sobs, oh the sad little sobs shaking his entire body. After the nurses let him "free" and stopped poking on him, he acted in normal Zach fashion--through the sobs that still shook his body, the red marks surrounding his little eyes, he looked right at me and smiled one of his beautiful Zachary smiles. What a sweet little boy!! I noticed after his surgery last week that he had multiple pricks. We are talking each ankle, each arm, and 2 on his hand. So maybe they had trouble then, too?? They didn't mention it to us?? So his poor bruised arms and legs from last week just got poked on again. Yuck, yuck, yuck!!

They took him back, me saying goodbye and going to the waiting room and then bawling after having witnessed this abuse (I use the term loosely) to my baby. They gave him 2 powerful sleepy meds, not full anesthesia. ~~Side note: the anesthesiologist came to see us and she instantly looked at me and asked what we were doing back there. She had just seen us twice last week, and she said, "oh, that's the baby with those beautiful eyelashes." My boy has a reputation with the ladies already :)~~ He had a nasal cannula in this time, instead of being on the vent like last week. We are so familiar with all of this! They monitored his vitals the entire time during the MRI and said he did wake up at around 30 minutes, but just stirred and went back to sleep. After about 45 minutes they came and got me. He was still asleep but I got to wait with him. They tried to wake him up but he did not want to! Let's consider this.....it was his normal nap time for any other day, plus he woke up at 5:45 that morning for good with another wake up at 4:45 to eat, he screamed for 25 minutes just 45 minutes ago which would wear out any baby, AND he had powerful sedatives in him. You question why he doesn't want to wake up??? Let the boy sleep!!! He went w/o formula from 11:30 PM until 2:30 PM with about 5 oz of Pedialite in him during that time. He finally did wake up and was asleep again before we got to the car. ~~Another side note: the hospital was full of "suits". I watched the news that night, as I'd seen no less than 20 TV cameramen there in the hospital and Senator John McCain was in the room just next door to where we had been all morning. Interesting!~~

So, we are going tomorrow to the neurosurgeon. Who has to go to the neurosurgeon?? That is why I'm worried. I am really stressing that they are going to find something seriously wrong with our little guy. Spinal issues are not a minor deal. His Hypospadius, I can handle. Spinal issues, not so sure I can handle that!! If they do find a tethered cord, surgery is probably in our near future I'd assume. I really don't know what all they can find wrong. Part of me won't allow myself to go there, to think of all the possible negative outcomes. I guess I also worry because he has had problems with a weak neck, weak core, doesn't sit up very well, won't really stand for us that well, the prematurity, the "tag" they saw in the ultrasound to warrant the MRI. I have reason to worry! I just don't want to see any of my children have any kind of problems. I want them all to remain healthy little squirts, running and playing and giggling!! Isn't that how it's supposed to be??!! You can comment, repeating the words Skip says over and over to me, the words I already know--It's going to be fine, Don't worry, If there is a problem they can work to correct it, Just don't stress. I don't know that any of those words will help when I sit here and think that the doc tomorrow could tell me some bad news. I just want it all to be OK!!

I have appreciated all the prayers and ask again for prayers for our little man.

I will post the docs results as soon as I am able to do so. Please, please God, help protect my baby and make him ok. Don't let that doctor give us bad news, not for our sweet, innocent little man who has already had to fight for his life in the beginning, who has already been poked, proded, gone through surgery, and still smiles at us every time we look at him. He is so precious to us!