I'm a proud pumping mom

I stole this post idea from another mother, but so worth spreading the word. Thanks, momma bird.

I am a pumping mom. I have been given the guilt trip by so many already that I'm not breastfeeding my child. If they only knew how much it hurt every single time someone said that to me. I was so very looking forward to breastfeeding my baby boy. I was hoping it would be the one thing that worked in the chaos of his birth and post-birth life. Sadly, it did not. We did before and after weight checks with the home health nurse and he just does not gain any weight after breastfeeding. He latches on, he has a strong suck, but the transfer of milk is not happening at all. Beyond that issue, I have had a problem with low supply since the beginning of my breastfeeding/pumping experience. I tried, I did all they told me to do, it just wasn't happening for this mommy. I have cried, and cried, about this topic to no end! In fact, I'm crying right now just thinking about it!! You see, when you have a baby in the NICU, there are so very few things you can do for them. The one thing you are able to do is pump. You are encouraged by the neonatologist to pump b/c of the health benefits that your preemie baby needs, for his immune system that is basically non-existant. So, every 3 hours, I would pump. Most pumping moms get milk in excess, filling freezers full. Not me. I was told that I was "just keeping up" and still am today. But, the fact is that I am just keeping up!! And so, for now, I am doing what I can to keep up with what my little boy needs. It isn't always easy, with the chaos of the other 2 kids running around and needing me to do so much for them still. I hate after feeding Zachary having to put him down to pump, instead of just holding him, looking and adoring my sweet baby boy. But, I know it is best to pump then, after having that bonding time. It is our routine for now.

The big kids are used to the routine. Calvin will tell me I am pumping--should a 2 year old boy know this much information about his mommy?? Oh well! Emerald overheard a conversation on a sit-com on TV the other day about a woman getting a breast pump at a baby shower. She turned to me and said, "mom, that's like your breast pump." Should my daughter pick up on this?? Oh well!! She was quick to notice when we took the hosptial rented pump back and started using a new pump. Like I said, they are used to the pumping in our house.

I read this article the other day. It is about a mom and her pumping. It is about the benefit of pumping and breast milk. It really brought tears to my eyes and made me want to love on my children even more than I already do. If you have time, check it out.
http://www.oprah.com/article/omagazine/200903_omag_milk_bank/1

I know formula is not a bad thing. Both my other babies were formula fed and are healthy, smart children. I don't have a problem feeding Zachary formula at all, the couple of times a day he does get it. It has nothing to do with the fact of giving formula or not. It has more to do with giving of myself, my milk, that I love. I love that I can give to Zachary what I am able to give. I feel bad that I couldn't give him a safe environment until 40 weeks gestation. I feel bad that he got short-changed on his safe growing place. So, for now, I will continue to pump. I can't tell you how long it will last, but for now it is providing my son with nutrition and helping his immune system. It's the least I can do.