enjoying our journey

Lingering Christmas pictures

2012-02-06T22:55:00.004-06:00

The kids lined up waiting for their stockings. So cute to see them waiting patiently, and eagerly!

It's Tow Mater!

Practicing for tomorrow, Zac's 3rd bday

"Is it like this, Emmy?" Last day of age 2!

Why I feel so passionate about March of Dimes

2012-02-05T23:56:00.000-06:00

Hi, my name is Stephanie Pankewich. I am the very proud mother to 3 amazingchildren, Emerald, age 6, Calvin, age 5, and Zachary, age 3. Today is a special day in our house because itis the 3 year “homecoming” anniversary for bringing our youngest, Zachary, homefrom the NICU.

Our first 2 children are adopted, and we didn’t get toexperience their actual birth and first few days and weeks of their lives. But they are healthy and thriving littlemunchkins, and I now realize that I took their good health for granted.

We were completely shocked and astounded when we discoveredwe were finally pregnant, after 9 years of being unable to conceive. We chose not to find out the gender of the babybecause we really didn’t care as long as he/she was healthy. My birthday present was to go to our 20 weeksonogram. I walked into the appointmentexcited, and didn’t expect to walk out of the appointment terrified, scared,and wondering what to expect for our future.

During the routine sonogram, they discovered that our babyhad a 2 vessel umbilical cord. As thedoctor was explaining it, he threw out words, information, statistics, and muchmore. There was mention of severe kidneyissues, problems with his brain, damage to the chambers of his heart, increasedchance of Spina Bifida and Downs Syndrome, and so much more that my ears beganto tune him out. I remember him goinginto detail about the good chance of a growth restriction which could lead to anearly birth, or having a preemie. To behonest, though, with all the other major problems possible with multiple vitalorgans, prematurity sounded like a breeze. At the time, my naive mind told me that prematurity just meant that your baby spent a few extra weeks in the hospital,and they weren’t supposed to be at home with you yet anyway. Wow, did I have a lot to learn! The first person I called to share about oursonogram referred me to the March of Dimes website, in order to learn moreinformation about his single umbilical artery. What a lifesaver! The informationon the March of Dimes website was very beneficial in calming my nerves aboutthe medical terms that the doctor had thrown at me. Obviously, money raised by the March of Dimesgoes toward funding this educational site which arms mothers with moreknowledge about their potentially scary situation.

Our doctor monitored the pregnancy closely, and everything lookedpretty good until my water broke in the middle of the night at 31 weeks………. At3:00 in the morning I made 2 phone calls. The 1^st was to my doctor, whose on-call nurse said I shouldgo into the hospital to have it checked out. The 2^nd phone call was to my best friend, a NICU nurse. She was so calm, so awesome. She answered the phone in the middle of sleepand immediately calmed me, told me to get it checked out, and that everythingwould be fine. She told me later thatafter she hung up she cried and began to say some prayers for me because shedidn’t want us to have to go through this—she had seen countless NICU storiesending in heartbreak.

At the hospital the nurses pulled me back to evaluate me, andwere fairly calm and casual. I assumedthey were thinking that my water hadn’t actually broken. After monitoring and checking me out, theattitude changed, things jumped into fast mode. They pumped me full of magnesium, got the Perinatologist there tomonitor the baby, gave me the first steroid shot to hopefully help developthose preemie lungs, and hoped that labor would stop. A few hours later they casually came in at12:18 to suggest that we mighthave to take the baby pretty soon, as if I had a choice. Our baby was born at 12:32. We didn’t hear him cry, we didn’t get to seehim, we didn’t get to hold him and cuddle with him. I doremember that the nurse came over and said, “do you want to know what you had?” It is an incredibly weird moment……..everyparent in the world is overwhelmed the second they find out if they are having ason or daughter. That moment lives withintheir hearts forever. For me, at thatmoment, laying exposed, literally my insides being shoved back within me,feeling faint, scared for my newborn child………it didn’t matter what “parts” hehad. I didn’t feel happy or sad, excitedor nervous at the fact that I had just delivered a son. It wasn’t at all about him being a boy. I hadn’t heard him cry, I hadn’t seen if hehad any color. I didn’t know if he’dlive or not. That was what mattered!!

Zachary spent the next 6 weeks slowly and steadily gettingbetter in the NICU. He received 3 dosesof Surfactant within the first hours of his life. The Surfactant, thanks to research funded bythe March of Dimes, helped him come off the vent so much sooner, and helped himcome home without assisted breathing. Iremember being there when Zachary got his heel pricked to help determine if hehad any genetic disorders, another credit to the March of Dimes. I didn’t get to hold Zac for the first 36hours, and I still feel like I’m making up for that today!

3 years ago today we were finally able to walk out of thedoors to the NICU with Zachary in our arms. We took him home and I cried seeing all my children under one rooftogether.

This is where I think most people think the story ends forthe world of preemies.

The story didn’t end there. Over the first year of his life, Zachary had 65 visits with a medicalprofessional. His core muscles wereweakened because he didn’t get to fight for space inside of me, pushing,kicking, forcing room for his expanding body. He had one major surgery, a detailed MRI to determine if he had a spinalproblem, visits with a neurosurgeon, urologists, physical therapists,dieticians, ENT, and so many more. Inthe 3 years he’s been home, Zachary has had 3 surgeries, been physical delayed,placed in a developmental preschool to help him with those weak core muscles,didn’t walk until he was 23 months, and obviously required some specialattention. The best part of all, though,is that he has had the opportunity to fill our lives with smiles andlove!! That day 3 years ago didn’t endour prematurity story, because those medical issues still remain, and my son isstill behind. Our story of prematuritydidn’t end there because I haven’t clearly expressed what an impact it had onmy other two children. They endured countless hours lost to mom and dadtraveling to the hospital for the 6 weeks of his NICU stay and the countlesshours devoted to further appointments. Zachary’sbeing a preemie was not just about those 6 weeks in the hospital, but about theimpact it has had on our entire family each and every day since this day, 3years ago.

But those familiar with the world of prematurity canappreciate that I feel fortunate that our situation wasn’t THAT bad. Our son was born at 31 weeks and weighed 3pounds 14 ounces, he wasn’t a micro preemie. I feel fortunate because ourstory is NOTHING compared to so many others. Our son did walk, even if wasn’t until 23 months. Our son does talk. He did finally learn to eat. He is able to hug us, and tell us he lovesus. He plays with his siblings, and hewill be with us for a lifetime. So manyother NICU families don’t have that chance because they don’t even get to bringtheir baby home.

All I can say is thank you. I know that those 2 words aren’t enough. However, without supporters like yourself, my precious munchkins mightnot be the energetic, talkative, precious pieces of joy that help make ourfamily complete!

Christmas morning take 2

2012-01-25T21:26:00.001-06:00

Such a cutie

Patiently waiting his turn

He thinks he knows what is in the bag

Eli was so excited to get his bowls

Cuteness

Those bowls are the best gift ever

Daddy, what else did you find in the garage?

Is that for me?

Yes, I'm turning growing up too fast!

Love this shot!

Merry Christmas

THE thing Calvin wanted with all his heart and soul!

Zachary found his way into the middle of the race track to watch his cars

I had to post so many pics of Calvin. He found a fire station while we were out shopping. He adores anything and everything fireman related right now!!!! He fell in deep, lusting, drooling love with this thing. He bent over backward throughout the pre-Christmas season. Best behavior I've seen out of him.

Santa his the Christmas presents in the garage. We brought the gifts in, and Calvin sat so patiently watching as each of the other 4 kids opened their gifts. He got his fire hat. He didn't say a word. He just sat and waited. When we said that was all there was, his face dropped. I mean hit the floor with a thud dropped. The frown nearly broke my heart. We quickly recovered his sad little face with an "oh, wait, there might be one more thing" and he shot thru the rough. He saw Uncle Shane and Daddy bring that fire station in and he was dancing all around the room. It really was the perfect Santa present for the perfect age! I loved being part of this and making it so special for our sweet Calvinator! Not that the other kids didn't have fun, but that moment will remain in my heart forever. Who knows, he may be a fireman some day.......

Christmas morning

2012-01-25T21:09:00.004-06:00

Calvin so excited to get his fireman hat

Eli opening his gift like a big boy

Zac getting his dream, race cars!

Not the best form in picture taking, but I love how excited she is. That is all she wanted, an mp3!

A Colorado boy needs some nice gloves, especially since he's started ski school

Showing off her mp3 to Uncle Shane

Christmas morning was so much fun. Santa was smart and created a scavenger hunt for the kids to find their gifts. He even made them eat breakfast first! This was probably a good thing b/c those kids wake up so early and we would have missed all their excitement. They eventually found their gifts in the garage and were so excited :)

Christmas Eve

2012-01-23T14:38:00.003-06:00

I love how all the kids are lined up in eager anticipation

Waiting to see what Nana has to open

2 boys ready for Christmas

Nana showing off her t-shirt quilt

The 3 (nearly) 3 year olds playing with their Garmin cars

On Christmas Eve we went to church and then spent a beautiful evening together, our 5, Heidi, Jeff, & Josiah, Laura, Shane, Simon, & Eli, Nana, and Skip's Uncle Allen and Aunt Janet. The best gift shared on this night were tshirt quilts made by Aunt Heidi out of Walt's former tshirts. She also made each of the grandchildren a pillow out of the shirts. It was so special and gave us a feeling that Walt was in the room celebrating with us. At one point I looked out at the busy chaos in our house and just smiled....... Just 4 short years ago when we purchased this house we had Emerald and Calvin, and I knew that Christmas would be fun and lively. I didn't really picture the fun noise that did fill our living room on this wonderful Christmas Eve. 6 kids, and all our our happy smiles, jokes, tickles, and sweet memories shared and created, that is what it is all about! So happy we were all able to be together to celebrate.

Elliott, our Elf

2012-01-23T14:05:00.002-06:00

Elliott made a snow angel and decided to take a warm bath to warm himself up

Ken decided to join Elliott

having fun just building a wall to hide behind

having a snowball fight

the audience watching

going fishing

yep, he found his way in the balloon!

Christmas Eve pics

2012-01-17T14:25:00.000-06:00

Christmas 2011 fun

2012-01-16T23:49:00.002-06:00

How cute are these girls? Aunt Heidi and Em

This might be the best pic we got, it is HARD to get this group to sit still

Ok, so that isn't that bad either

Story time to calm everyone down before bed

Eli being so sweet

Uncle Jeff rounding up the 3 year olds

and then rounding up the big kids. I should keep him around.

Eli's first birthday

2012-01-15T16:42:00.000-06:00

I think he loved the cake. It was such a joy to get to celebrate this special moment with him, something we don't often get with these sweet boys that live so far away. We love you Eli and wish you a very special year of being 1!

Eli's birthday

2012-01-12T15:02:00.001-06:00

Eli, my adorable, sweet 1 year old nephew

Simon just finished jumping, and Em is up in the air.

Eli was excited to watch the kids dancing around!

My nephew, Eli, turned 1 just before visiting us for Christmas. We got to celebrate with him by dressing as our favorite animal and doing some fun animal games. Eli's other 2 cousins joined us and had a fun evening. So happy to get to squeeze those adorable little cheeks......isn't he just the cutest?

Testing

2012-01-05T23:40:00.000-06:00

Christmas fun at Union Station

2012-01-05T23:33:00.001-06:00

Why yes, they are all smiling at the same time! It is "Joy"ful!

This has to be the best pic we got of the 6 of them with Nana. Showing off their reindeer ears.

It was sweet, while we were trying to get them all arranged, Zac & Josiah kept hugging each other, pretty cute.

3 sweet faces happy to be all together.

A picture from outside Union Station. It is a pretty impressive place.

The main reason we went, to see the trains. This was the first look at the trains, and all 5 ran as fast as they could at the first display.

I thought this photo turned out pretty nice. I can't capture Simon standing still, but the train helped keep him still long enough to capture a reflection--I'll take it :)

Showing off the massive space inside Union Station. Our 3 3 year olds were pretty impressed

And sweet Eli just hung out most of the day. I love it when he sucks on his lip. Can't get enough of this sweet little guy.

Zachary starts school

2011-12-18T23:31:00.002-06:00

No words, yet, but I will add them soon. Trying out a new version of blogger, and just trying to figure it out!

Happy Thanksgiving

2011-11-30T09:52:00.002-06:00

My blessings are endless...........
My beautiful daughter, my hilarious son, my easy-going little one, my amazing husband, my faithful puppy, my ever-loving family, my friends, and so, so much more. I am truly blessed!

Enjoying our journey.......each step of the way

2011-11-08T16:56:00.001-06:00

Our little lion

Showing how a lion walks

My 3 monsters, I love them so much!

Sometimes this boy gives me a different perspective on life............

I remember sitting in my college classes, hearing about SPED (special education) and IEP's (individualized education plans), and different needs based upon different kids. I remember thinking at different times in my life that I was thankful that I didn't need to worry too much about that.......it may sound wrong, but it's enough to worry about taking care of all the other things going on in life.

I'm sitting here today waiting for my SPED meeting for Zachary that will take place tomorrow. We will "be discussing his IEP" for school. He was evaluated last week by a team of people at school, and tomorrow I will get the "results" of that evaluation. I'm waivering on wanting him to qualify, b/c it's what is good for him, and not thinking he should b/c he's not "that bad" compared to others. I'm nervous, I'm a little worried that there will be judgement. I know they aren't supposed to, but you wonder if someone along the way will think about what he should be doing, how I could have done something better/different. I wonder if they will think he is behind, b/c he is. He doesn't even begin to hit those milestones in the same way as his siblings, his cousins, his peers. It makes me nervous and cautious--and I find myself hiding behind my happy smile. Of course, I get that happy smile from him, b/c he doesn't know he's behind, he doesn't care he's not within the spectrum of apporpriate behavior. He smiles through it all, trailing about 5 steps behind, but always trying, always wanting to catch up, always expressing his desire to do.it.myelf! He keeps me in a good place about his delays. I find myself always struggling, b/c truthfully I am really happy he is walking, talking, singing, etc. I know there are so many out there that might never walk, they won't be functioning members of our society. I don't have that. My son will do all of that, and again I repeat I am happy beyond belief that we don't have to go there. However, I struggle with the fact that he is delayed. People try so hard to make it ok, their kind comments of "it's ok" mean well, but don't really make him stronger. They try to justify it by his prematurity. Yes, his prematurity doesn't help, but he shouldn't be this behind b/c he was ONLY 9 weeks early, not 16, and he should be approaching caught up.

I hope he is able to go to school and get what he needs through therapists, and teachers, and speech, and peer models, and so much more. I don't want to lose my time with him at all, but he needs this, for him.

I am also waiting for a call from Children's Mercy to schedule yet another surgery for my little man. Saturday night he displayed signs of a hernia, something we've suspected for awhile. Saturday night it became worse, and was really hurting him. It is a fairly minor procedure, an outpatient surgery, but a surgery nonetheless. He will have to be sedated, again. He will have to visit Children's Mercy, again. He will get one more thing added to his list, again. As I was filling out paperwork for his preschool, it is funny how they give you a teeny, tiny little line that says, condition at birth ___________, medical conditions ___________, any surgeries _______. Should I just type up a brief rundown of all of his "stuff" and attach to any and all future documents? He's going to apply for college and have to fill all this out. It's crazy! So, one more thing to add to his list. He was sedated for his MRI for his possible tethered spine, it was fine. He was sedated for his 4 hour hypospadius repair and urethra reconstruction, and he was fine. He was sedated for his tongue tie clipping, super minor thing, and he was fine. This will be just the same, right? Calvin has had a minor little procedure, too, in the last 2.3 years. Add to that our emotional roller coaster with Walt, and any other stuff, and let's just say I am tapped out emotionally. I'm done. I am so ready for normal.....but what is that anyway?

It's just one more minor thing, and we shall continue to enjoy our journey through IEP meetings, and surgeries, and paperwork, and the love and laughter that fill our days.

My Blessings....

2011-11-07T21:19:00.001-06:00

.....too numerous to count! Had fun going to Powell Pumpkin Patch on our annual pumpkin picking trip. Perfect, perfect fall day.

Daisy Scout camping

2011-11-05T15:36:00.001-05:00

Emerald got to go camping with her Daisy Scout troop. They ordered a perfect September weekend, gorgeous weather, fun friends, awesome location, and an all around fun time. I was lucky enough to get to go, too!

Lost teeth

2011-11-05T15:05:00.002-05:00

Daddy came to school to be the Watch DOGS (Dads of Great Students). I love that we have this program at our school.

Emerald and her first lost tooth

Our tooth fairy buddy. We have to write on the green card whose tooth it is, too many lost teeth around this house happening all at once.

Both Em & Cal have lost their 2 front bottom teeth, w/in weeks. Each lost a tooth w/in about 24 hours of each other, twice! Can you say sibling competition?

Zac keeps trying to show us his lost teeth, too. Always trying to be just like his siblings!

Fun at the arboretum

2011-11-05T14:51:00.000-05:00

We have just had fabulous fall weather!

A train to Nowhere

2011-11-04T21:46:00.001-05:00

My birthday present was to go to Baldwin City for their Maple Fest. If you haven't been, go! It was a lot of fun, gorgeous, perfect fall weather, and just a fun day. We rode on a real train, literally to a sign in the middle of a field, Nowhere. It was a blast and the kids had so much fun. I loved the day.

Enjoying fall 2011

2011-11-02T09:52:00.001-05:00

He is just getting so big

Showing off his boots (note tongue, it's hard work lifting your boot)

Watching for the train

Enjoying a gorgeous fall day w/ a train ride to nowhere.

We have been seriously slacking in the blog department. Why, you ask?????? Because my time has been devoted to so many other things. After the horrible cabin fever of last winter, we have been doing everything we can to be outside and enjoying every.single.minute of the absolutely incredible fall! It has been spectacular, filled with colorful leaves, perfect "no weather" (where you aren't hot, or cold, you can wear shorts, or a sweatshirt, and be perfectly happy), neighborhood spontaneous parties of 11 (kids that is) in our backyard, visits to the arboretum, pumpkin patches, fall festivals, train rides, walks, leaf jumping, park play dates, craft projects, camping, hiking in "our" woods, family pictures, pumpkin painting, visitors, birthdays, weddings, family time, and so, so much more! This isn't even including finishing out the soccer season, homework, projects, house painting, PTO craziness (I am vice president), Daisy Scout times, clearing out closets (b/c these kids insist upon growing up too fast), lost teeth, etc. I don't even feel I have enough time to sit down, perhaps that's why I've been at the chiropractor for my hurt back. However, we have definitely been enjoying our journey.....and that's what it is all about. I plan to do a photo blast soon, so beware. I have so much to catch up on.

Small updates: Em has lost 2 teeth, is reading much better, getting to be a super awesome speller, improving those math skills, making some new friends in the neighborhood, finished soccer, attends Daisy Scouts, went camping with DS, sold cookie dough, is now selling Girl Scout cookies, working hard at school projects, saved and saved her allowance. Hmmmm what am I leaving out? She is developing a bit of an attitude that gives me a minor glimpse of our future, yikes! Those legs are getting longer and longer, and she is definitely getting more independent.

Calvin got to take a field trip with his class, he is also improving his writing skills (made me a great birthday card), reading more words, getting taller, also lost 2 teeth, finished out his first soccer season, and getting a tiny bit less crazy. He is in a good place right now! He still doesn't love to clean up, nor does he love most food items offered, but he has been more cooperative lately, and I'll take it! He has been very into everything involving firemen lately and keeps a look out for every fire truck we pass. He is developing this love of geography that makes me smile. We have a placemat of the USA and he loves to learn all sorts of facts about the various states, regions, lakes, countries, etc. He listens intently as we share stories of the different places we've visited. I think he is going to be like me and love to travel. He's a sponge right now, soaking up everything!

Zac got to go to school. He is nearing the age of 3, when he gets kicked out of the Infant/Toddler program. At that point, he should be able to begin the developmental preschool, which is the same preschool Em & Cal have gone to, at our school. He went for his evaluation last week and we will hear the results next week. There is a good chance he will start school in January, but not sure if that is a certain thing, and how often it would be. He is gaining a lot of skills lately including true 2 year old tantrums, a great vocabulary and sentence structure, better gross motor skills, and a slightly better skill at the table. We are still working hard at some recall and learning those basic shapes, colors, letters, numbers, etc. He has begun some basic potty training, but shows no interest at all. He is still our little cuddle bug. Z is always content trailing behind by about 5 steps, but trying as hard as he can to keep up with everyone, constantly reminding us all "I do it myself". His love for cars and trains remains as strong as ever, many a night falling asleep clutching tight to a car and it is still there in the morning (who needs a stuffed animal, right?). He is a great little helper as he and mommy get to go "bopping" on mornings that brother and sister are in school.

Both Skip and I have celebrated birthdays, one year older, wahoo! We are actually planning a weekend getaway from the kids soon, and I am just a tiny bit excited :) Don't tell the kids, don't want them to be sad thinking mommy wants to escape. I just look forward to spending time with Skip, alone. We celebrated our 17 year anniversary of when we first started dating. Wow, I've been with him nearly half my life at this point! That's impressive, especially since I'm still madly in love with the man.

Be on the lookout for tons more pics.

Calvin lost his first tooth!

2011-09-12T13:46:00.000-05:00

We noticed a big tooth coming in, actually all the way in, Friday morning at breakfast. The baby tooth wasn't even loose Friday evening, and by Saturday afternoon, it was out! He bit into a peach and realized it was very loose, and worked it out himself after 5 minutes of quiet time in his room. Daddy was home with the kids, so I found out thru a text. Emerald has had a loose tooth for about 3 weeks, and hasn't yet lost a tooth yet. Despite that fact, she was still excited for her brother. He helped introduce our Pankewich family pillow to store our lost teeth in for the Tooth Fairy. She left him a sweet note and a super special prize since this was his first lost tooth. He got a Scooby Doo fire truck, both things he is pretty excited about.

Red Friday

2011-09-12T13:39:00.000-05:00

Our school held a Red Friday last week. We are trying really hard for a $10,000 grant and asked all the kids to dress in red. They learned a lot about healthy eating habits and excercise. A good friend made the cute hair accessories and ribbon for Emerald. They held a tailgate party for lunch and then a pep rally in the afternoon. I helped out by dressing in the colt costume! It was very hot in that mascot. The kids loved it, even Zachary came running up to me screaming, "horsey mommy, I love you." Too sweet. Calvin was pretty excited to get Mr. K (the gym teacher who was our districts Teacher of the Year and AWESOME!) in the football gear.

After bath sillies

2011-09-12T11:02:00.000-05:00

We have these fabulously awesome towels that I just adore, and so do the kids. They love to act like their animal after bath, and Zachary is getting into also. Calvin is a bear--perfect fit! Zac has been hopping all over like a "ribbit", and changed to his duck towel last night and quacked all over the place. I love my clean smelling, freshly bathed little critters. They continue to make me smile.

Dirty & clean

2011-09-12T10:57:00.000-05:00

Zachary's favorite pastime during soccer practice and games

The dirt is all over

Dirty boy feet

Freshly cleaned kids!

Calvin is a soccer lover

2011-08-30T14:20:00.001-05:00

Mom, this is how I'm going to kick it!

Calvin started his first sport, soccer, last week. Daddy is coaching and Calvin loves having him there! He did great listening to daddy. During his first practice Skip didn't even remember him being on the field, which is saying something that he listened and followed directions!! His first game was Saturday and tried really hard to score a goal. Sadly, I didn't get to see his first game because Emerald played at the same time as him. She's playing again this year and still pretty excited. Skip is in his first role as head coach and has 11 little 4 & 5 year olds to coach into super status--good luck. It is fun watching their excitement at practice. Zac is even getting into this soccer thing, wanting to "I play soccer, too" and "whyyyyyyy" when told he can't play yet.

Just because

2011-08-22T09:05:00.000-05:00

Um, Em, not sure what I think about that look toward Keegan

So, if you wondered why Steph, Tami, & I needed a Girl's Night Out........no doubt! This was just one moment captured. Add to that a one year old, the screaming 2 year old that missed half the pics, and the 2 teenagers who weren't around.........yeah, we deserved it!

Love you Steph & Tami, so happy we finally found a place to hang out together. Haven't gone to shoot pool in years, but had fun doing it.

Hangin' with the Lindsay's

2011-08-21T23:30:00.000-05:00

It was a girl's night out--well deserved by us all

Summer fun, eatin' some popsicles

Going shirtless was the best option

We 3 mommies = these 7 + 3 more, 10 kids!! No wonder we needed a night out :)

My dear friend, Stephanie, was in town from Jersey with her 3 munchkins. We drove down to visit them. Sadly, I was so busy playing with her youngest, sweet Reagan (just turned one), that I didn't even snag a pic of her. I love each and every chance I get to spend with Steph & her family. Love her mom, her sister, her kiddos, all of them! Just wish they lived closer....

One year older

2011-08-17T10:07:00.001-05:00

We have a first grader! How, oh how did that happen? I was tucking her in last night and telling her I remembered them placing a tiny little baby in our arms. I blinked, and she's off to her first full day of school. She gets to stay all day, she gets to eat lunch there. She gets to walk to the pick up area all alone (no brothers). Emerald couldn't be more excited. She came down early, all dressed, hair fixed (she has to do it herself), all ready for her first day of school. We love our little first grader and are excited to see how much she will learn and grow as one more year is added to her life story.

Calvin is usually our morning person, but he was grumpy this morning. He didn't want to get up at all. Then, we mentioned getting to spend the day with Miss Lindsey, and that brought him out of bed in a hurry. He's been asking all summer when school would start. He remained a little grumpy through picture time, through breakfast, but was happy to hop out of the van when we got to school. He is in his second year of preschool, same teacher, same class. It's a pretty easy transition for him. I am excited to watch his growth this year, too. I can imagine that by the end of this year he will be picking up books to read on his own, doing basic math, and much more. That is just the kind of kid he is. He loves to learn, loves to read, and wants to be about 4 years older than he is!

Zachary wasn't too thrilled with all this chaos. He wants to go to "tool" also. He is a bit confused to not get to stay at school with his siblings. Just a few short months with him at home, and then we will most likely transition him into the preschool, also. He "graduates" out of Infant/Toddler services at age 3. His name was brought up for a Sept. transition meeting between I/T, Spring Hill school, and us. He will be evaluated on his current skills, look at his history, and be observed in a play setting. We all assume he will qualify for the development preschool, as he is still lacking in some physical , gross motor, skills, and a little behind in verbal. If he does, he'll be in school starting in January.

How did my kiddos get so old? It is fun watching them grow up, but just not too fast.

Summer 2011 happenings

2011-08-10T00:55:00.000-05:00

We've been painting....

and painting.....

and a lot more painting......

and when we decide to babysit for a friend, we just make Emerald watch the 11 month old, and we keep on painting! :)

We are finally home long enough to really try to get some of our house painted. We are taking on the entire lower level all at once. I'm still not sold on our dining room color choice, while it is slowly growing on me, the kids have deemed it Mac & Cheese & tomato. Hmmmm....it's not exactly what I was going for, but we are going to finish everything else before we make the final decision.

It seems like every day we have something going on, guess that's what summer is all about. I hurt my back pretty bad in the first week of summer, and have been battling with it all summer. I'm down to just one chiro appt a week now, but have been there as much as 4 times in a week at the beginning. He told me he was fearful I'd be one of his few clients he was thinking he might have to refer on for surgery from my initial visit. It was a badly injured disk, and in his first few moments, I was unable to stand remotely straight, had no reflexes at all in my right leg, and was rating it a 9 out of 10 on the pain scale. This girl doesn't complain about pain....at all! Even during contractions they had to ask if it was hurting me, and I wouldn't say yes. This back pain hurt worse than the first 24 hours after my C-section. It was B.A.D!!!! I'm finally feeling somewhat better. For about 2 weeks all I could do was lay on the floor. It knocked out a lot of trips for us this summer, including visits to the pool, the movies, the grocery store, wanting to be on a boat, go camping, nothing. I didn't want to do anything. No pain meds I took even touched the pain at all! I feel so thankful to finally be nearing the end of a long road. My hip is now killing me, and the chiro says it is due to my compensation from injuring my back so badly. There are ligament & tendon issues that are trying to resolve themselves. He has done some deep tissue massages that make me want to scream and jump thru the roof. It hurts. I am thankful that I didn't have to have surgery. When I'd fit that & recovery into my schedule who knows. I'm grateful that I have been able to work it out thru chiropractic work and a little physical therapy.

We've also had a lot of play dates this summer. I'm making some great new friendships with my fellow moms and feeling wonderful about this! We've had an impromptu party at our house that made me downright giddy. On any given day in the Pankewich household you will find anywhere from our 3 up to 9 kids in the house, all usually within the 1-7 year old age range. Today it was 6 kids, the other day it was 4, Friday it was 7. Always something new and fun. The kids love it and have been having so much fun.

We have had to say goodbye to some neighbor friends, but thankful they aren't moving too far away.

I know I haven't been posting as many blogs this summer, but frankly, I've been too busy enjoying the journey to stop and document it all. It is fun to hang out with the kids. It's fun to get to know our friends better. It's not so fun, but necessary to recover from this major back pain. It's just been a super crazy busy summer. One that I love and wouldn't trade for anything.

Some oldies

2011-08-05T09:38:00.000-05:00

This is Emerald when she was about 20 months old sitting on a deer at the farm

Didn't plan to take the same pose, but Em at age 6 on the same deer at the farm. Funny how she's wearing orange in both.

Em & Cal w/ Keegan & Gavin visiting in Arkansas. Was my Calvinator really that little once upon a time?

Yep, that's Calvin wearing the same wings Zac had on. He's about the same age, possibly even wearing the same outfit. Those big sisters will do whatever they want to their little brothers!

Thought it was fun to show off a few oldies as I was going thru some old pics yesterday.

More summer fun

2011-08-04T13:24:00.000-05:00

Why yes, I finally got all 3 to look at the camera, and smile!

Heading to the movie, Cars 2, Zac's first movie.

Z and his car & blankie

Brothers

Another fun thing to keep us cool this summer, seeing some movies. We took Z to see his favorite thing on earth, Cars! He did great and his eyes were huge the entire time.

The joys of being a younger brother w/ an older sister

2011-08-02T10:49:00.000-05:00

When you have an older sister, they teach you stuff. They put you in doll beds, they make you their real life baby doll, and they like to play dress up with you. In this case, Zac got to learn how to fly like a bug. It was so precious watching them flutter thru the room. Zac is a little parrot and will repeat anything, with a 5 second delay, and will do practically anything you want of him (well most days). Cal is in on the game about half the time, but he doesn't get pushed around nearly as much. On this day he had no desire to be a bug.

These are the things you do on day 16 of heat advisory outside and when you mom has hurt her back & doesn't feel like doing anything else.

Fourth of July part 4

2011-08-02T10:39:00.000-05:00

And........by the end of the weekend everyone was tired, and cranky, falling asleep on the couch (Calvin), and in Skip's lap (Z). I think we wore them out! We did finally get a decent family pic, though.

Fourth of July part 3

2011-08-02T10:33:00.000-05:00

I'm amazed I could get 6 kids to sit still, let alone all look at the camera at the same time. Your standards on photo quality are lowered w/ each child under the age of 4 you add!

Fourth of July part 2

2011-08-02T10:29:00.000-05:00

The kids really enjoyed the sprinkler park. There was a nice break for popsicles, and then back out to play!

Fourth of July pic part 1

2011-08-02T10:25:00.000-05:00

Why haven't I been blogging you ask? Well, I'm attempting to do a series of why I haven't blogged. We have been super busy enjoying our summer.

The first of my series is our Fourth of July trip to my parent's house. We invited our dear, dear friends from college to join us. Rene & I lived together in a dorm, many years ago at KState. Brian lived across the hall from Skip, same dorm, same floor as us girls. Brian & Rene began dating w/in a month of Skip & I. We got engaged w/in a month of each other. We were married w/in a couple of months of each other. We witnessed each other's vows as part of the other's wedding party. Their girl is 2 years older than Em, their son a year older than Calvin, their youngest a year below Zac. It is a match made in heaven and we are blessed to call them forever friends! It is funny, b/c we camped out at this same lake for the 4th about 7 years ago, with their girl being just a baby. (I was bit by a snake on that fun trip). It was fun to have a nice laid back weekend with our good friends.

My parents are in the process of permanently moving to a house very near a nice lake. We are beyond thrilled to find time in our schedule to go visit them and hang out at the lake.

While we were there we blew bubbles, went to a sprinkler park, went fishing, watched some fireworks, dodged a surprise thunderstorm, (some of us) slept in a tent, created a slip & slide out of an old air mattress, roasted s'mores, played games, used our imaginations, & created a bunch of fond memories to reflect upon years from now. The lake was closed due to algea issues, but that didn't stop our fun. Ironically, Rene & I had a neighbor named Jessica in that same dorm years ago. Her family has a house on the same lake w/in a mile from my parents, so we went over to visit her & use her swimming pool. What a fun weekend!

Kindergarten is over

2011-07-01T14:16:00.000-05:00

I can't believe that Emerald is already finished with kindergarten. She is growing up so fast. Here she is with her friend Peyton and at her kinder program. I also had to add pics of our 2 goofy kids. Their imaginations are exploding this summer. Any little piece of paper turns into a piece of gold, a leaf is a forest where the lions live, a spoon turns into an oar to swim across the ocean watching out for whales. Every thing is a toy! I love watching them continue to blossom.

Random

2011-05-23T09:32:00.000-05:00

My ladies helping me cut labels for school

Daisy Head Maisy

Emerald the architect

Where's Zachary?

Why don't I blog? I'm too busy lately! With what you ask?? Everything......... Here are a few of our random happenings. More to come.

A bug's life

2011-05-13T21:35:00.000-05:00

My kiddos showing off their critters

Emerald was impressed with the slime trail it left on her arm

She wasn't squimish about holding him at all

Calvin had a rolly-polly that was a little harder to get a close up (maybe it wasn't the bug's fault)

Last week we had a gorgeous spring day, finally! The kids enjoyed digging in the dirt and showing off their finds. They wanted to keep their critters forever, but eventually let them back out in the wild. This week is was 75, then 95, now it's 48 outside. Incredible temp changes. It has been a cool spring except for the very few HOT 95 days.

Emerald's cupcakes

2011-05-04T10:32:00.000-05:00

I forever feel I'm playing catch up in my life. These were the cupcakes Emerald wanted to take to school--I thought they turned out pretty cute. Also thankful to her Godparents for sending Laura (yes, she named it herself) a new little critter that joins her in bed each night, and an art kit. She has loved playing with these items.

Happy Gotcha Day Calvin

2011-03-30T14:20:00.007-05:00

The first moments after meeting you

A picture of you before we even met you

Starting to crawl

I have always loved that smile!

We loved your fangs, when you first got your top teeth

Our little golf ball

*courtesy of Artistic Expressions* One of my favorite photos of my older 2

Just b/c you were so stinkin' cute

Hamming it up with your sis Christmas 2008 (probably the last picture of you as the baby of the family)

Meeting your baby brother for the first time. You weren't so sure about him in his bed.

Your 2nd birthday

I have always loved this picture of you, one of my favorites.

The first time daddy took you fishing
Y
ou love playing in the snow

Calvin, happy Gotcha Day (a day late)! 4 years ago you were placed in our arms and forever etched a place in my heart. They say there is a special bond between moms and sons--they are right!

Your story: We had been contacted by 2 other birthmothers before you came along. One was from KC and chose to parent, the other actually lost their little boy just before he was born. It was a sad story. Then, a week before we got you, we were offered 1 year old triplet girls. Imagine, having your 2 year old sister (2 and about 4 days) and getting 3 more GIRLS all within one year of each other! God knew what He was doing by guiding us to the decision of no, because just one week later Kim (our caseworker) called and told us about you. You were 9 weeks old and had stayed with Miss Debbie that entire time (a Gladney transitional care family). Kim told us you might be a little challenging, as Miss Debbie admitted that you were her most difficult baby she had taken care of out of 56! Even hearing this, we knew we wanted you as part of our family. Miss Debbie had called you Greyson Gladney. While we liked the name, Daddy & I loved the name Calvin and it seemed appropriate for you. Kim called mommy on her way in to pick up tickets at the Ballpark in Arlington, home of the Rangers. I had to step out of an important meeting to take the call, but everyone in their office jumped for joy when I shared the news (they were total strangers). Mommy was so nervous to get a boy--I just didn't know what to do with boys, how would he fit in our family? It all worked out!

When Miss Debbie walked in the room, your smile lit up the room. You were a little curious, but didn't hesitate going to me or Daddy at all. Emerald was so excited to meet you. She had brought a special monkey, BoBo, to placement. In the same room we had received Emerald, we were again given a gift too amazing for words--our 2nd miracle! We had gotten the call on a Monday, and gone to Gladney on a gorgeous March Thursday to pick you up. We got to take you home just in time for Easter. The bluebonnets were blooming along the hill at Gladney, and I will always remember your placement day upon seeing the bluebonnets! It was late by the time we got you home, it had been a long & exciting day.

Calvin, you have taught me so much about being a parent. Before actually having children, I was the best parent on the planet! You have taught me that each child does get their own set of rules, their own standards, and comes pre-programmed with their own likes & dislikes. Not in any way, shape, or form do I want you to take this the wrong way, but you were a difficult baby!! You cried non-stop. You demanded attention. You had more (minor) medical problems than your sister, like RSV at 5 months, your childhood migraines, a minor surgical procedure last year, the expensive forumla for your reflux, and several other things. Some of your difficult first year wasn't your fault. Daddy had a major business trip planned the week after we got you, to play at Bandon Dunes. That was hard on me to be alone with a new baby & your 2 year old sister. We decided to put the house on the market and move back to Kansas just 2 months after getting you, that made things more difficult. You were stuck in the middle of our chaos! We finalized your adoption on October 1st, and moved October 18th, 500 miles away, to a new job, a rental house, and a lot of changes. 3 weeks later the entire family fell sick to the nastiest bug I've ever seen--I was too sick to even take care of my own babies. You had to endure another move, as we moved into our new house on your 1st birthday. We stopped moving boxes to sing you happy birthday with your monkey cake. Through all of this you continue to be a sweet little boy for the most part.

As you got older, your sister loved to push you in the stroller (made for baby dolls), hold your hand as you learned to walk, teach you things, hid in forts, and do so much with you. You have looked up to her with admiration, almost all the time, and have begun to display that same level of love for your little brother. You had a harder transition to becoming an older brother as you lost your mom & dad to 6 long weeks of hospital visits, and 1 1/2 years of doctor appointments that were focused on someone other than yourself (and you weren't even 2 yet). In the midst of it all, you show us every day how intelligent you are, how you can crack us all up with your humor, and how stubborn you can be. I predict you will be a salesman of some sort, or maybe a lawyer, as you will not take NO for an answer.

Calvin I love you with all of my heart and soul. Even through the challenges you keep me smiling, you bring out the mama bear when someone isn't pleasant, you are super compassionate to others, you give the best nose kisses on the planet, and I cannot ever imagine my life without you. I was so proud this year when your preschool teacher called me and asked if you could remain in her class next year as a peer model. She described you as "sweet, sincere, compassionate, and fun loving, and I HAVE to have Calvin in my class next year". This made my heart swell with pride. Though you may be a bull in a china shop at times, you have the heart the size of the moon, and you love people with every ounce of it.

My sweet son, you are the light of my life! My Calvinator, I promise to love you always and forever. Happy Gotcha Day!

Happy Gotcha Day Miss Emers

2011-03-24T14:25:00.002-05:00

**apparently I am having issues with uploading pictures, sorry!** I will work on it later, sorry!

6 now, getting so big

This was taken on the day you officially became a Pankewich

You can't help loving KState

Our little golf ball, first Halloween

Hanging out with Mommy in the backyard

Looking for "big fish" in Alaska

Mango has been at your side since you were 5 months old!

Trying to walk in Daddy's shoes

Playing in the Gulf on the shore in Texas

How long have you loved horses? Forever!

I'm this many! 2 years old helping bake your cake

In the bluebonnets near our house, love spring time in Texas

On Calvin's Gotcha Day, showing your skills at being a great big sister

Emerald Rea Pankewich we love you so very much! 6 years ago today we were filled with butterflies in the pit of our stomach as we drove to Gladney to bring you home. We had a great discussion over the final decision on your name, Emerald Rea minutes before we got you. (Emerald is after a grandmother named Ruby, another great-grandmother Pearl, and in honor of your Hispanic heritage, Esmerelda. Rea is after the island we honeymooned on, Moorea, an island of Tahiti, and during our honeymoon we thought of you as we thought that the name Rea would be a beautiful part of a little girl's name).

We got the call on Monday, after work. Kim, our case worker, called to see if we'd be interested in a little girl, 6 days old. My mouth had dropped to the floor in disbelief. We'd waited for 5 years for you. We'd started the adoption process a year before that. We had filled out more paperwork than you will ever imagine. We'd asked for references, written autobiographies, sat through interviews, shared personal information, prayed about you, cried for the idea of you, and finally, finally, we were going to get you for our very own! Kim told us about you, and gave us the phone number of the transitional care family in which you were currently living, Miss Angela.

**side note: She had actually flown to Midland, TX, to pick you up from the airport. You were born in Odessa, and the mayor's wife, upon hearing your story, drove you from the hospital to the airport. Miss Angela traveled to Midland, got off the plane, changed your clothes, and got back on the plane to head back to DFW. She took care of you for 6 days. At the end of those 6 days, she placed you in our arms.

Miss Angela was great with me on the phone, assuring me that you were great, what diaper size you were in, what formula you were on, etc. I only heard about half of it. I still couldn't believe you were ours! We were blessed with an amazing shower at our school on Wednesday, so very pink it was! They offered us so much of what we needed to prepare for your arrival. Thursday morning we drove toward Gladney about to change from being the 2 of us, to a family of 3! We waited patiently in the placement room at Gladney while they put the outfit on you that we had chosen, and then they opened the door. The tears in my eyes kept me from seeing you perfectly that first moment--I was so happy. They placed you in my arms and I just melted. I know that in a family kids aren't supposed to be in charge, but secretly, you could have had the moon at that minute if you had wanted it, because after waiting for 5 long years, I was so in love with you. People ask if it is the same with an adopted child--if you do fall in love with them. The answer is a profound YES! Your sweet eyes looking into mine, I knew that I was forever in trouble!

You have filled our lives with so many smiles. We captured all your 'firsts' on camera. We tried hard to teach you right from wrong as you learned all the newness over the years. We are still in a process of teaching you how to be the best person possible. While you still have my heart, you are so totally a daddy's girl it is unbelievable! You love him and he loves you so much. As we have added to our family, you have happily welcomed your brothers with open arms. Your love for your brothers is amazing. You are beautiful, intelligent, sweet, and an all around good person with such a caring heart. Thank you for making us learn how to be parents and how to love someone so much it hurts. I've heard that being a parent is like having your heart walk around outside your body. This is so true. When you hurt, I hurt, when you laugh, I laugh, when you are happy, I am happy. I love you so much. Happy Gotcha Day my sweet girl!

**As an adoptive parent I have had moments where I feel bad. To be honest, I have forgotten your birth weight, or birth length. There are moments I don't know which city you were born (Midland/Odessa is so close to each other and they are both part of your story). Until we were signing your official papers, we thought you were born March 16, but seeing a paperwork showing your hearing screening said March 15. What parent doesn't know the correct date of their child's birth moments before holding them? However, all of this doesn't matter. The days we didn't have are not what I ever focus on. I now know that your birthdate is March 15. I can tell anyone in the world that the moment you were placed in my arms was in FW, TX, in a lovely placement room at Gladney. There was a beautiful rocking bassinet in the room. The spring sun was shining thru the windows. Your crazy hair was all over the place when I first saw you. You had a little half smile, half happy, half nervous, upon first meeting us. You were taken to the doctor the next day and checked out perfectly, umbilical stump still attached. You were 9 days old when they let us take you home. You looked awesome on bold, bright colors. You were so tiny we had to go and get some smaller clothes for you. Your little neck wasn't strong enough, so the first place we stopped after leaving Gladney was Babies R Us to get a better neck support for you. We took you home, shared you with our family & friends, and were head over heels in love with you. We shocked many at church that Easter weekend with our precious gift, as they had no idea our lives had changed. The cantor was a friend, and in the middle of singing in front of the entire church, she stumbled upon her song b/c she looked at us and saw you. She couldn't even sing b/c she was as happy as we were. Why yes, our lives had changed suddenly, but not really. We had agonized over wanting you for 5 long years. We had sweated over paperwork hoping to get approved to wait for you. I won't feel guilty any longer not faithfully remembering the details of what happened before we met you, because each and every memory created after that moment 6 years ago today, I have forever etched in my heart. I love you!

Just some fun photos

2011-03-14T12:14:00.001-05:00

More snow pics

2011-03-14T12:07:00.000-05:00

I love the one of Calvin, walking back to help Z stand up after he fell for the 100th time. It was pretty sweet.

They call this Spring Break?

2011-03-14T12:00:00.000-05:00

The kids started Spring Break today, with 3" of snow! It was actually fabulous b/c the weather was warm enough to play, and take a walk in the woods near our house. We bundled up and played for nearly 2 hours outside. Zac is finally getting steady enough to walk for several steps w/o falling down. Laney loves it when we walk in our wooded area between our house and the train track. She has such a great time jumping through the weeds--shows that her breed is a hunting breed for sure. The snow was gorgeous, piled upon each branch, laying along the fence, just showing off every flake. It was funny to see it resting upon Zac's eyelashes.

More pics of our Pop Pop

2011-03-08T14:38:00.000-06:00

I couldn't help putting a few more pics of our Pop Pop.

Our beloved Pop Pop

2011-03-08T13:59:00.001-06:00

Our beloved Pop Pop made his way to heaven on February 11, 2011 (02-11-2011) after a long, hard-ought battle with brain cancer. This has been a long, long 8 months for him, Cheryl, and all his family and friends. Skip was able to be at his side as he passed from this life and on to the next, and for that we are grateful. It was an incredibly sad week, to say the least. We hurt for Cheryl not having her life-long companion and best friend at her side any longer. We hurt for 3 children losing their father so early in their lives. We hurt for the 6 grandchildren who won't be able to hear Pop Pop put his finger inside his mouth, pull it out, and make his famous Pop Pop sound any longer. We hurt for his friends that will no longer have a hunting buddy, or someone to joke around with.

The week after his passing was spent together, with family. We were able to have all 6 grandchildren (all under the age of 6) together, keeping the house filled with life. It is difficult to look at them and not recognize that life does continue, and that memories are so dear. Our newest family member made his first appearance in Kansas, sweet baby Eli Walter, our 8 week old nephew. He was such a joy to have around showing us the real circle of life. Eli looks so very much like the pictures we were going through of Walt as a child. The kids played outside (thankful we had nice weather in Feb.) and kept the house cluttered with toys. I think Cheryl was appreciative for all of her family being able to stay together with her at such a difficult time.

We were all able to share so many stories and memories that week. We repeated key phrases that Walt would always say to us, especially when we were about to leave the house or head to our homes. We went through his fishing items knowing that they would be passed on to younger hands to throw into the water--sad that Pop Pop wouldn't be able to point out the perfect spots to us anymore. The songs we heard reminded us of his whistles, singing, and happy smiles. There was a slide show created by a friend that was amazing. I am thankful that my kids will be able to watch this DVD and keep Pop Pop's memory alive. There were so many kind, sweet, generous people who came to the house to share memories of Walt, offer meals, kind words, condolences, assistance in whatever way they could. It really reminded me of just how much Walt & Cheryl have done for their community, and for the friends and family that loved them so much. We were blessed by having family members travel from several states away, in the middle of their crazy lives, during winter time, to be with us. We were blessed by so many people.

For Skip & I we were trying to be strong for Cheryl. I was probably a nag reminding her to take her meds and keeping her off the phone. We were trying to cope with this loss personally. We were also trying our hardest to help hold our children's hands as they dealt with the loss of their grandfather. It was an incredibly tough couple of weeks, filled with difficult discussions with curious little minds trying their hardest to fully embrace what was happening around them.

Walt meant the world to us all. He will be missed so very much. His offers to help anyone in need, his worry as we would get on the road, his offers to help a little one with a meal, tie their shoes, hold a bottle, reading stories to his grandchildren, his gentle nature, his hard working ethic, his sense to allow his children to be who they wanted to be, his excuses to avoid diaper changes, his faith, his determination, and his kind, sweet heart are just a few things that made him into the strong husband, brother, father, grandfather, and friend that he was. He touched so many lives. He is a great example of someone to emulate. Pop Pop we love you. We will think of you each time we see the geese flying overhead, a pond that looks perfect for fishing, every time we hear a Beach Boys song on the radio, or every single time we see kindness in this world. Thank you for being our teacher, our father, our friend.

This is a link to Walt's obituary, for those interested.

Computer issues

2011-01-19T09:49:00.003-06:00

This was an old photo I stole from a previous blog. Calvin got into Emerald's 4th bday cupcakes while I was upstairs. Silly me for leaving them in a locked container, at the back of the counter, stacked with something heavy on top. Where there are cupcakes, there's a way! 2 years has flown by!!

Wasn't my new year's resolution to keep up with the blog? Yeah, just when I was going good, we have issues with our computer. For some reason, it feels wrong for me to do the blog w/o a picture or 2. Skip has been working hard at resolving the issue (he is so much wiser than me in the computer world). So, hopefully all will be better soon.

We have been trying to stay warm. This morning we baked cupcakes for Calvin's birthday (which is Friday). It was so sweet to hear my kids giggling, see their smudged noses covered in batter after licking the spoon, sharing sweet comments like "thanks for having a birthday Calv", and the little voice of Z saying "more bite, more bite". Calvin looked at me and said, "you're the best, mom". All that for cupcakes. Those are the moments mommies live for.

It is supposed to dump more snow on us today, so we shall see if we have school tomorrow. Calvin has been to school twice in 32 days. Emerald has only been 7 times in that time span. The winter blah's are setting in. We received a great gift in the mail this week, a Wii game for Dance for Kids. It has great kid music (age appropriate), and asks the kids to do dance moves to the screen, and they compete! Let's see, there's music, dancing, competition, laughing, and using up some of our energy--what could be better?! I love it! Thanks Kelly, great gift.

We finally took down our Christmas stuff this week, kind of late, but we were enjoying it. Now it has been replaced by miles of train track, and wooden blocks (we stole those from Nana, Daddy used to play with them as a kid), horses, and forts. Our house looks like a constant playground, but that's ok with me.

I'll add more pictures as I figure out the new system.

More catch up

2011-01-06T13:12:00.000-06:00

I absolutely love this picture of mom with Zachary. It truly captures life for me. The one of Emers is how I found her in bed one night--always clutching Mango, and holding her wand with such a smile. I also adore this pic of Calvin--he is growing up so fast. Zachary & Josiah love spending time together and smile so big when they see each other, while calling "Hi Iah, Hi Ack".

Update on Walt:
Walt had a pretty serious seizure about 3 weeks ago. Luckily, nothing was really wrong, just one of the side effects of his condition, in other words actually fairly normal (whoever ddetermines normal anyway). After this the doctors highly recommended Walt go back into a care facility. this is something Cheryl had been considering anyway. Walt began living in a wonderful care facility in Mac the next day. It really is a great place, and the nurses really seem to care about the patients. Walt has continued some of his chemo and this, along with the seizure, and the move, have made him really tired. We are continuing to pray that 2011 brings healing for our family.

Playing catch up

2010-12-28T23:13:00.000-06:00

I think, perhaps, that my New Year's Resolution shall be to do a better job at keeping up with the blog. I apologize, but I truly have had a lot added to my plate recently. Here are a few pics from most recently. I love the one where Bullseye was helping watch over the stable in our Little People Nativity set. Emerald & I went to a Beauty & the Beast play and had a great girl's night out.

I have a lot to update, including news about Walt, Zachary turning 2, and all the other happenings around here. Stay tuned for more :)

H...O...M...E!!!!!!!!!!

2010-11-18T23:48:00.001-06:00

Walt is finally home! He's been home for about 2 weeks now, and they are settling into a routine. The first week was busy getting things figured out, setting up visits with therapists for evaluations, and adjusting to being out of the house for nearly 5 months! We are so happy for them. Cheryl is the primary caregiver, and that has been challenging. Luckily, many people have offered their help with transfers, meals, cleaning, offering help with rides, etc. If you'd be willing to help, feel free to call Cheryl at home and offer your help.

Walt had a doctor visit yesterday and got his next round of chemo straightened out. He is finished with radiation, and his first round of chemo. He got a small break, and will begin again. This round will also be a pill-based chemo, so Cheryl should be able to give it at home with no extra trips to the doctor.

We want to continue to thank everyone for their prayers, thoughts, and offers of help. I know that many of you have wanted to do something for the last several months. I know Cheryl is constantly creating her "honey-do" lists, and is needing some help with transfers and possibly meal companions. Even if you can offer to help sit for an hour so she can get a break, I know she'd appreciate it! Thanks so much!!

Fun fishing day

2010-09-26T22:58:00.003-05:00

This is an email from Cheryl:

Hello all,

Just thought I'd let you all know about the absolutely wonderful day we had yesterday.

Saturday actually began several weeks ago when I found a flyer at Wesley Rehab promoting a fishing event for the disabled put on by an organization called "Fishing Has No Boundaries". I stored the information on my cell phone "To Do List", never dreaming we would still be in Wichita come September 25th. About ten days ago the notification sounded to remind me of the long since forgotten event. With Walt's recent decline and his upcoming radiation and chemo treatments, I really wasn't sure if this should even be a consideration, but I mentioned it to one of Walt's wonderful friends (a true fishing buddy). Brad called to say his Saturday was clear and he would be happy to take us to the event held at El Dorado Lake (with the loan of a van from another truly dear friend--Dave). Still unsure of how Walt would tolerate his first week of treatments, I called the number from the flyer to explain our situation. They were so wonderful and invited us to come for whatever amount of time Walt could tolerate. Midweek, I began asking about the possibility of us taking Walt out of ManorCare to attend this event (red tape, paperwork, and learning to give his noon insulin shot).

Saturday, the Lord's creative hand painted the most beautiful fall morning with perfect conditions for our excursion, and after breakfast we set out for El Dorado Lake. The Fishing Has No Boundaries organization provided all the equipment (rods, reels, bobbers, bait, boats, and volunteers) necessary for a most pleasant fishing experience. Although I didn't witness the catch, Walt landed a "monster" measuring in at a whopping 5 (the kid measuring had to really stretch the tail to make the 5� hash mark) and was probably in the running for smallest catch from the bank (although we weren't able to stay around for the closing events on Sunday).

Around 11:45, Walt really began to tire and didn't even want to stay for lunch, but the lure of pizza changed his mind. A couple of slices of pizza and a salad which he enjoyed immensely (not having had either in over 3 months) perked up his spirits and we were able to make it back to ManorCare with only minor complaints of "Tired Butt" during the last 10 minutes of the drive.

No sooner had Walt been tucked in for a well deserved nap, than the skies darkened and the rain came down. I only hope the storm didn't dampen the spirits of those who remained for the rest of the day and those that camped overnight (hope they brought their long-johns as it got quite chilly overnight) and continued to fish on Sunday.

At supper, Walt reveled in telling his tall fish tale (with a little assistance in recounting the event) and was very grateful for the friends that helped him to enjoy the experience. To check the organization that prompted our fishing outing go to
www.wheatlandfishinghasnoboundaries.com

By the way, Walt seemed to tolerate the first week of radiation and chemo successfully with only minor body soreness.

All our love,
Walt and Cheryl

Some long overdue pics

2010-09-14T22:57:00.000-05:00

I thought I'd finally get around to posting some pictures of the kids with Pop Pop!

Path results are in from Mayo

2010-09-14T22:20:00.002-05:00

Today is the start of a new chapter. Walt & Cheryl met with the oncologist, Dr. Moore, and received the results from his biopsy (performed 2 weeks ago) that had been sent off to Mayo Clinic. Walt has been diagnosed with a Grade 3 Anaplastic Oligoastrocytoma. This tumor is located in his brain, and there is not a plan to have any future surgeries on the tumor due to its location. Walt has received a treatment plan from his oncologist which will include a mix of a daily chemo pill and daily radiation treatments. This particular form of chemo is said to be "well tolerated". His radiation will be done at Wesley as an outpatient service. There is a plan to continue with radiation and chemo 5 days a week for the next 3-6 weeks. Both Walt & Cheryl are very positive about finally having a diagnosis and knowing what lies ahead of them. They are ready to work hard toward this path to recovery. Walt has a great attitude ready to attack this thing. For now the plan is to remain at the rehab facility and take his daily trips to the hospital from the rehab facility. We aren't sure exactly how much therapy he will be able to tolerate during this time.

Many people have called or emailed asking us how they can help. Knowing that Walt & Cheryl will remain in Wichita for awhile longer, we have a few suggestions. If you would like to help, we would love to gather some gift cards for Cheryl. She has had to eat out for several meals, unable to spend time cooking meals. She loves Panera Bread, Sonic, McDonalds, and Starbucks, and could possibly use some gas cards to places like QuickTrip or Dillons (there is a gas location located near my parents house, where Cheryl is currently staying). We aren't saying that you have to do this at all, but for those who have asked, this would be extremely helpful. If you are interested, please call me, or email me at spjunk@embarqmail.com and I will give you an address to mail the cards to her as she really isn't getting her mail from McPherson all that frequently.

Our family continues to ask that you pray for Walt during this time of healing. We ask that you pray for the doctors who are working toward his recovery. We pray that Walt continues to stay positive and keep up his spirits as he is undergoing his treatment plan. We also ask for prayers for Cheryl as she continues to support her loving husband. We ask that prayers for her peace of mind, her well-being, and her ability to stay strong throughout this trial. We ask that your prayers show your continued love and support of her as she fights this battle with Walt. We ask for prayers for Walt's children who are trying to understand this diagnosis and continue to show their support for their father.

More waiting

2010-09-07T22:23:00.002-05:00

Cheryl spoke with Dr. Morgan today. The path results are back, but are not really making Dr. Morgan satisfied. In order to clarify the results, he is sending it on to Mayo again to evaluate there. While this is somewhat frustrating, it is also reassuring in that we will have definitive results in the end. I am going hold off on any slight details of today's results until we get confirmed results from Mayo. In the meantime, Cheryl has been speaking with Dr. Moore's office (a wonderful oncologist referred by Dr. Morgan). He will hopefully be meeting with Cheryl and Walt this week.

Keep praying for patience. The move and transition was especially hard on Walt this time around. He has seemed nervous in his new surroundings. Today he got back into therapy sessions, which we all feel will help him. He is also able to use a loner wheelchair again, and this will hopefully make him feel better to get up and out of bed. Hoping for a speedy trip to Mayo............

Yet another new address

2010-09-03T13:44:00.003-05:00

Walt has been moved from the ICU to a place called Manor Care. This is a place in which he can receive therapy, but less than at his previous rehab facility. We are still being patient and waiting on the path results from Tuesday's biopsy. Dr. Morgan has been fabulous at answering all our questions and will continue to stay on top of this, even promising to come in and speak with us this weekend (while he has scheduled time off) when he gets the results. Walt was in some pain after the surgery, on Wednesday, and was able to get some relief. He had another procedure done on Wednesday as well. I think he kind of feels like he's been put thru the ringer. He is still struggling with speech, but the pain seems better now than was on Wednesday. We are hoping that the new facility will be able to fit him for a wheelchair today so that he is able to get out and enjoy some of this fabulous weather! Cheryl has been staying strong thru it all, but we can tell she is tired (not that she is ever complaining).

This process has been a lot of "hurry up and wait", and has been teaching us all just a little more about being patient. Hoping and praying for some positive results soon........

Another surgery

2010-08-31T14:57:00.002-05:00

Walt went in for another surgery this morning. He had a biopsy done. We were hoping for results from the biopsy this morning (or at least a quick look from the doc), but it was unclear. They have sent off the samples to pathology and we will get results within a few days. Until then Walt is happily (not so much, rather grumpy and unfiltered) recovering in the neuro ICU again, same hospital as before. We are at least quite familiar with the area. It is funny that we led the hospital volunteer to the right location in the hospital, told him where to go, and nearly walked right in ourselves.

This biopsy was minimally invasive, so recovering will be less than before. They are hoping to move him out of ICU w/in a day or so, then moving him to a regular room in the hospital. Until then we will try to keep Walt happy, and get rid of his grumpy face.

I will post more info on the biopsy as I hear results.

Tomorrow.....

2010-08-29T12:00:00.002-05:00

We are waiting for tomorrow, and enjoying today. Walt's cognitive has decreased significantly this week. They ordered several CAT scans and an MRI on Thursday. Dr. Morgan (his neuro surgeon) called Friday morning and wants to meet with Cheryl Monday morning to go over the scans. We are all anxious and making a lot of guesses as to what we think might be happening. We are asking for prayers for both Walt & Cheryl.

A long time.....sorry

2010-08-18T22:25:00.003-05:00

So sorry for not updating about Walt lately! We were without a power cord, then got a virus, then had issues with an internet connection, and that's not even to mention the life & happenings keeping me away from the computer!! So, I do apologize for all those who had been checking the computer to keep updated on Walt.

The first and best news I can post, Walt is WALKING!!

Let me take a step back and describe in more detail since it has been so long since I've posted. Walt is still at Wesley Rehab Center in Wichita. He is actually becoming the senior member there, becoming quite well-known by all the staff :) He has been making fabulous progress. They have continued to work him VERY hard with 3 hours of therapy a day, and even making him work while at meal time. He spends a majority of his days in a wheelchair these days. His physical therapist (PT) has been pushing him hard. His left side is gaining so much strength. He can lift his left arm parallel to his shoulder, can lift his left leg up off his chair, and can move his hand around. It was such a blessing to see this out of him. He has such a positive attitude, too. Well, except for those few rare moments when he is rolling his eyes at Cheryl for making him work too hard (this was good to see, too, b/c it reminds us of the old Walt we remember).

Back to my good news--last week the PT was working with him and got him to walk along the set of parallel bars, which is about 15'. That huge milestone even brought tears to his eyes, and brought back encouragement to him. He told us he wasn't sure he would ever walk again before those steps. He has moved on to walking with a walker, and was walking around the gym yesterday for a total of almost 100 feet!!!! With each step he takes it makes him more determined to take another step. We are all so very proud of him for his determination and hard work!!

At this point the rehab facility is talking about a possibility of Walt coming home in the next couple of weeks. It is all very dependant on various things Walt has to accomplish. Cheryl is working very hard at preparing the house for his homecoming. There is a bathroom remodel going on, and a ramp being built. I will post more on this when we hear definitive dates. For now we know that he does have a surgical follow-up visit with Dr. Morgan, the neurologist, next week. We are thinking Dr. Morgan may run a battery of tests on him at that point, but again, we will just have to wait and see.

Cognitively, Walt is still struggling a little. He seems to do better on some days, and other days are rough, most especially when he is tired. His short-term memory is challenged, but you can see in his eyes that he is trying so hard to remember the right name, or get out the right word. We will just keep cheering him on to work hard at this area.

We have some sad news to share. Maggie, Walt & Cheryl's beautiful, sweet puppy went to Heaven. Maggie had been staying with us, and had been doing really well. She passed away in her sleep, peacefully. We were saddened by this event, and hated to share this news with Cheryl. We especially hated having her have to tell Walt about Mags, as he loved her so very much. She was a great hunting dog, a sweet companion, and she loved Walt (and all those extra special food treats he always shared with her) very much. We miss and love you Mags!!

Walt celebrated his birthday last week. We are thankful to have him with us to celebrate another wonderful year.

Pathology results...sort of

2010-07-26T22:49:00.001-05:00

After Walt’s procedure to insert a filter into his leg, he stayed in the Wesley ICU for a day for observation, and then was moved to a recovery room on Saturday night. This room is fabulous--single patient (no roommate), on the 10th floor, with a wide window looking out west. We watched a storm roll through, and he is able to enjoy the beautiful sunsets. We were thrilled to have him move to this room, as he was able to see all 3 of my kids at the same time (that is a first in this long 5 week ordeal). Walt loved seeing the kids. We visited for quite some time. We were happy to see his spirits so high! As nice his new room is, though, he will hopefully be moving back to the Rehab center soon. This could likely happen on Tuesday.

Walt continues to regain some movement in his left side. He can wiggle his left fingers and toes. He can raise his arm and knee a little bit. He can even give a “single-finger” salute to his brother, who was never so happy to be given the bird.
The neurologist (Dr. Morgan) who did Walt’s craniotomy last month spent about an hour with us on Saturday explaining the results of the pathology test, and answering all of our questions. We had been waiting such a long time to receive these results, and he had briefly told us last week that the results were “inconclusive”. That word didn’t satisfy us, and we had many questions about what this all meant. He understood our frustration, and was frustrated himself about the delay. But he explained that the length of the test and the “inconclusive” finding were not necessarily a bad thing.

A pathology test tries to positively identify abnormal cells as a certain type of cancer, and origination of the cancer. He said that in Walt’s case, they tested all of the available samples thoroughly, but still were unable to definitively identify the cells, for various reasons. When we asked if he would be passing Walt’s treatment to an oncologist, Dr. Morgan said that there was really nothing for sure to pass to an oncologist, at this time. This doesn’t necessarily mean that he doesn’t have cancer. But the current treatment plan is a “wait and see” approach. He said that Walt is exactly where he needs to be at this time…at the rehab center, getting stronger. There is a follow-up appointment scheduled in about a month with Dr. Morgan. At that time, he will do another MRI and other scans to observe the region from which the tumor was removed. He will then be able to compare that MRI to the scans taken immediately after the surgery, and tell if there is any cancerous growth reforming. He assured us that during the next month, we are not losing any time in fighting possible cancer. He says that Walt needs to be physically stronger in order to do any further treatment. Periodic follow-up visits will continue, which will allow him to keep an eye on any areas of concern.

Dr. Morgan also explained his opinion about the lesion on the other side of Walt’s brain. He said the lesion was much smaller than the tumor which was removed, and of a different type. It is highly unlikely that the two items are related. He said that he could try to remove the lesion, but it would be much riskier than to leave it alone. So his treatment plan for this lesion is also to watch and observe.

For now, we are working with Walt to get him stronger and more mobile, and he is doing a great job.

A little procedure

2010-07-23T17:17:00.002-05:00

Walt got to take another ambulance ride today, although this time w/o the lights and sirens. He is now at Wesley Hospital in the ICU. During an ultrasound today, they discovered that Walt had a rather large clot in his left leg (a leg that has been swollen this week). They aren't able to give him the normal blood thinner b/c of the previous hemmoraghe on the brain. Instead they did a minor procedure to insert a filter into his left leg. This was a quick procedure, and is already completed. He will remain here, in the ICU for a few days so that they can monitor him. After this, he will return to the rehab facility.

Walt is having to work hard

2010-07-19T09:44:00.002-05:00

The new rehab facility is just where Walt needs to be! They are making him work hard at PT, OT, and speech. He has nearly 3 hours a day of therapy sessions. He is also attending some education classes to help he and Cheryl learn more about moving forward with the "new" Walt. Walt has moved to the window side of the room and he is on the second floor, so they say it is like living in a tree house. They have him sitting up in a wheelchair for several hours a day, which in itself is a lot of work on Walt! He was able to take a shower Saturday (first shower in nearly 4 weeks). With the wheelchair they are able to wheel him around the rehab facility and even took a stroll outside. We are hoping to possibly bring Maggie up this weekend for the 2 of them to visit together--we know Walt will adore his time with Mags!

We would encourage any visitors who are considering visiting to first contact one of us, as Walt's schedule is quite full with therapy sessions. If you show up during one of his scheduled times, he is unable to stop working to visit. Meal times are also considered somewhat therapy times, as he is still fully concentrating on chewing correctly, and is working hard at feeding himself. During this time he is working on using his hand correctly, depth perception (still a slight problem in this area), and correct usage of all the right utensils. His food is in a pureed form and this doesn't make him overly happy. We are hoping to get him back on the chopped up food soon.

Walt still has some problems with his left side. He works each day at recognizing that side of his body, and moving his left arm and leg. Cheryl tells us he is moving his hand and foot slightly and has had to attempt to put pressure on the leg when he is placed in a standing position. His short term memory is still a little slow, but he is working hard at all of this. We are pretty proud of him for working for the therapists and for Cheryl! Keep praying for him to regain strength in his left side and that he will continue to stay positive wanting to work hard with the therapists. Walt's brother flies in tomorrow and is sure to get him in happy spirits. Glenn is known to make people smile :)

Walt has an entirely new addess!

2010-07-16T10:04:00.002-05:00

Walt was moved to a rehab facility yesterday. I don't have all the details, as I didn't speak long with Cheryl. However, I do know that this is a good move. They will have him intensively working on physical, occupational, and speech therapy. For those who may not know, the speech therapy isn't as much for actual speech, as it is for the muscules involved with swallowing. Walt was on a vent for several days and that can cause problems with swallowing foods and drink. They are just monitoring him to make sure he is doing everything correctly.

I will write more when I learn more info.

And yet another move

2010-07-12T22:40:00.003-05:00

Walt moved back down to the 5th floor today. This is a good move, as they only keep "stable" patients on the 5th floor. He has moved to room without a roommate, and this is fabulous news. Walt needs to have as little distraction as possible right now, and his former roommate was a little "needy". Walt was able to sit in a special medical chair on Saturday to eat his lunch. This is the first time he has been able to be out of bed. Yesterday he was able to be in this chair for nearly 2 hours!! I am quite sure this felt really good for him. Walt is doing much better with the small details, brushing his teeth, combing his hair, working on feeding himself, although he is only able to do these with his right hand. Today he was able to squeeze his left hand, which was the first movement we have seen in his left side!!

We realized in talking with some of Walt's friends that we might need to do a better job describing Walt's present condition. His left side is still not moving (although the squeeze of his left hand today is a great improvement). He is in bed nearly all the time because of this lack of movement, leaving it difficult to sit up, or even get up and walk. He does work with a PT & OT, and speech therapist each day to gain back some skills. We really encourage those who might want to visit to do so. If you'd like to talk with me to schedule a time, so that we don't bombard him, I would love that. Again, my email is spjunk@embarqmail.com I know Walt & Cheryl both love seeing their friends. If you do go to visit with him, he is usually albe to remember names, but don't be offended if he forgets. He tends to repeat things often. Some times during conversations he gets confused, and frustrated. We think some of this frustration is causing him to be a little more emotional than before. He does realize how lucky he is and has told us we take things for granted--which is so true. The more tired he gets, the more his conversation seems to drift. We suggest that if you choose to visit, that you keep the distractions limited, and not too many people at a time. Walt has a great attitude trying to do what he is asked. He is trying to joke around with the nurses, which is just like Walt! He will be able to carry on a conversation with you, and most times his eyes are fully open, but at times he will close them (especially if he is overly tired). If you visit, you will probably be able to see his scar on his right side of his skull (and his cool haircut). It looks great now! He has come so far, and we are proud of how hard he is working. We would ask that you wash your hands and refrain from visiting if you are sick. After a major surgery everyone has a lower immune system, and we do not want to do anything to compromise his health at this point.

We continue to wait for path results, oh so patiently! We have spoken with the neurologist and he has not dropped us, but is sticking by our side until those results get back. We have been so impressed with Dr. Morgan! We aren't pushing Walt too fast in his recovery, we undestand he will do things in his own time, when his body is ready. We are hoping that at the end of this stay at the acute care center, Walt will be moved to a rehab center to work on some intense physical therapy. Many of you have asked if he will be coming home anytime soon. We don't have a date, and probably won't have a homecoming date for some time. It is a long recovery road. We just ask that you continue to pray for Walt, his recovery, the medical staff that is helping him recover, and for Cheryl, in her patience, her own health, and her understanding of all this information that is thrown at her.

Thursday update

2010-07-08T22:19:00.002-05:00

Walt still had another good day. He seemed to enjoy a baseball game last night. Cheryl has been talking with nurses about the possibility to move him out of this room and get a room in which he will be able to focus more on his therapy. He tried to feed himself again today, which continues to be a good sign. He had a big morning getting moved around in his bed (they changed bedding) and several other housekeeping things, so he was a little more worn out for PT. He tried to do what they said, but wasn't quite as successful. The PT keeps telling us he has a good attitude. They continue to work with him in keeping up the skills with his right side, and getting his left side back into action. There is a big meeting with Cheryl and several of the heads of departments tomorrow. This will be a great time to evaluate where he is at, make sure everyone is working together, and discuss some of his next steps.

We feel so loved by so very many people! We want you to know how much you are all appreciated. As much as we love you all, and want to share updated information, we (the kids) want to protect Cheryl just a little. We sense that this is going to be a very long journey. We can tell that Cheryl is getting tired, and feels inundated with all the tasks at hand, not to mention wanting to spend as much time with Walt as she can. We are encouraging her to ignore phone calls if she is in the middle of helping Walt, or dealing with imporant information. I want to encourage any person out there reading this blog and curious about Walt or the situation to feel free to call me!! Cheryl loves all of you so much and doesn't want to miss anyone. However, we don't want to see her so exhausted that she ends up in the hospital. If you would like my phone number, please email me at spjunk@embarqmail.com I hope you can understand our requests to limit the phone calls to Cheryl. We love her dearly and really do want to protect her!!

In addition to the above request, we are going to be putting in a guest book in Walt's room. If you come by to visit, please sign the book. We aren't always able to be in the room, and we don't know who has been there to visit or who hasn't. We'd love to be able to discuss with Walt who has visited, and looking at the guest book will be one way we can do that.

Again, we want to thank you all for your prayers, love, and support. Thank you for the lawn mowings, the meals, the calls, and everything else! The outpouring of love continues to show me what a fabulous family I married into. Their love has always been so obvious to me--the love they show each other, their children, grandchildren, community, etc. It is only right for them to feel loved back at this time in life!

Getting better each day

2010-07-07T18:03:00.002-05:00

Walt had a great PT session today. He has been very cooperative with PT, OT, and Speech and is willing to try to do whatever they ask. He fed himself some of his lunch today as well. We love to continue hearing positive steps each day.

Walt's weekend

2010-07-06T10:16:00.003-05:00

How does that phrase go, "slow & steady". That is how we feel about Walt's progress. I am frustrated that the simplest question is so hard to answer, "How is he doing?" He is doing good, better in fact, than last week, but this road is such an incredibly long journey! He has both PT & OT working with him. He was able to sit up on the edge of the bed again yesterday. Another big step we saw yesterday was that he could take a drink of water out of a glass by himself! That shows that he has come so far in a week. There are moments of understanding, and moments of confusion. He loved seeing the kids again yesterday. We spent some time with Cheryl back in Mac this weekend trying to help get things situated there. They did remove the cannula (can't remember if I mentioned that), so he is free of almost all medical equipment. Hoping for some good test results today (or soon). Today marks 2 weeks since his surgery.

Another move

2010-07-02T22:13:00.001-05:00

Sorry about the pics, I couldn't help myself. It is 4th of July weekend and I had to put up some pics of the kiddos! Those same kiddos got to see Pop Pop today!!! They were all so very happy. Pop Pop kept telling me he was crying "tears of joy" and my kids talked about the visit all day long. They've been such troopers waiting patiently for nearly 2 weeks to finally see him. It was such a great day!

Walt was moved again. We anticipated this move. He is still located in the Via Christi St. Francis building, but it is in a longer term care facility, a rehab center, in which they will help Walt get back to his old self. We are happy to see this move, even though it did wear him out today, because it is one step closer to him being able to come home. They also removed his PICC line today, removed staples, and are weaning him down to almost bare bones in the hospital world! He was doing such a great job visiting with his family today. What an improvement one week can make. Here's praying the rehab center will get him stronger soon. Calvin told me that he & Pop Pop that need to go fishing real soon.

Walt moved today

2010-07-01T22:05:00.003-05:00

Walt was moved out of the critical care unit, and moved into a step-down unit this evening. He is in a room with a roommate. We are still asking that we limit visitors at this time. He had a good time visiting with his daughter, Laura, today. We are seeing improvement each day. The nurses sat him up in bed today for the first time.

Thank you

2010-07-01T14:02:00.002-05:00

I just want to say a huge thank you to everyone for helping our family out during this time. The outpouring of prayers, phone calls, and offers of help have been incredible! While I know that Walt & Cheryl are wonderful people, it is so sweet to hear all of your comments on how very much they are loved by everyone else. I know so many of you want to do what you can to help, and trust me it is VERY much appreciated! For now, I think we are covered on meals. For now, the house is taken care of. For now, I think we are ok. However, this is a very long road, and we may be calling in 2 or 3 weeks to cash in on some of the offers of help.

Walt is stable and is doing pretty good. They are looking at possible transferring him to another facility, which will be able to care of his needs and move him out of the CCU. We will let you know if this happens, and when it would be ok to come and visit. At this time they are still limiting his visitors to not wear him out too much.

Again, we thank you and appreciate your support!

Great Wednesday

2010-06-30T14:46:00.002-05:00

It is a good day today with Walt. His eyes are open, he is even tracking things moving around looking. He is currently eating lunch and enjoying it a lot. He's talking a great deal today. He told us "Walt's back". We got some of the results back and two of his tests came back clear, which looked great! We continue to wait for the path results. His neurologist is supposed to be in this afternoon.

He's been pretty funny these few days. Quite the sense of humor, and a little unreserved on other comments. It is so good seeing him looking better today!

Tuesday

2010-06-29T15:44:00.003-05:00

Walked in to the room today and the nurse said that he was "alert & responsive". These are wonderful things to hear! He is on a mushy food diet (he and Zach may get to share some food) and finished all of his breakfast & most of lunch, which is great news! They removed the feeding tube (with a little help from Walt) and are just watching him closely to ensure he consumes enough calories. He was bantering with the nurse quite well this morning, even telling her he'd rather have a pizza. You forget how something so simple (eating, moving him around, bathing) can really wear you out after everything he's been through. Walt is getting some great attention from his nurse today, since he is her only patient. We still haven't gotten the results from several tests. Still waiting.

Walt's brother & sister flew back home (after a flight delay kept them here an extra night). It was so nice having them both here! We tease G a lot, but I think it was perfect having him here. Cheryl is already missing having N's medical experience! Sure wish you guys lived closer :)

Cheryl was able to get home last night to Mac. We got Maggie out of the kennel and she was very happy to be at home with us. Cheryl was able to visit with several neighbors & friends. She is trying to return calls, so if you've called, be patient with her as she is swamped right now and is really trying to spend as much time with Walt as possible (and we are trying to force her to take care of herself some, too, you know like eat & sleep). I think the whole situation is starting to catch up to her. She (and all of us) VERY much appreciate your offers of help. Don't worry, she will be calling you to ask for help.

Walt has been asking about his "Magster" and his "monsters" (aka grandkids), so this is such wonderful things to hear. He tells us he loves us and doesn't love it when we leave his room. We tell him we have to go so he can rest, and it never, ever gets easier to leave a loved one behind as you walk through the doors of the hospital. It wasn't easy 18 months ago, and it isn't easy now!

As you continue to pray for Walt's recovery, pray also for Cheryl. This isn't easy on her. We all love them both so much.

Sunday

2010-06-27T17:18:00.002-05:00

Yesterday was a very good day, as Walt woke up enough to open his eyes a little, respond by nodding his head to verbal questions, give “thumbs up”, and even smile some. However, our exuberance to see all this may have caused us to overwork and exhaust him. Today, although still showing some of this responsiveness, his overall awareness/responsiveness level has been a little lower. Because of this step back today, the doctors are trying to let him rest as much as possible, and also conducting a few tests to determine if there is some reason for this setback.

What a sweet, sweet sound

2010-06-26T21:19:00.002-05:00

As we were leaving tonight, we told Walt we loved him. He says, "I love you" back to us!! That was an incredible sound! He also was able to tell us speaking about his brother, Glenn, "he's annoying" but we all laugh and are happy hearing Walt say that, b/c well, that's just Glenn!!

We were hoping to put it out there for a possibility for some "help" requests:
1) I'd love to have some people offer to do SMALL meals, possibly sandwiches, small containers of salad (she loves a chicken waldorf, with pecans??? I will check on this for you). The containers need to be small, and able to be marked with her name that can be stored in a community fridge. I would love it if you could contact me first so that we don't have too many people trying to do this all at once. Email me at spjunk@embarqmail.com

2) I think I (Stephanie) am going to stay in Mac for a few days after Skip heads back to KC. I would love to be able to help Cheryl out in Wichita if she needs me and was wondering if there are any Mac family/friends who might be willing to help watch the munchkins. This could be at their house, or at your house, whatever is convenient. Again, email me at spjunk@embarqmail.com Possible times include anytime Tuesday and/or Wednesday. I will take whatever I can get.

This is all I have per Cheryl. I will let you know if I hear more requests from her. We appreciate all the cards, calls, prayers, etc. If we don't get you called back immediately, I hope you understand. Access to the internet is limited as well, so please do email, but be patient as I will try to get to it as I can.

A special personal prayer goes out to my dear friend Stephanie tonight. In the midst of this chaos, she is working hard at bringing a brand new miracle into this world! Best wishes Steph, can't wait to see pics of that sweet girl!! Love you Steph & Kyle!!

Wonderful news!

2010-06-26T13:08:00.004-05:00

Walt is awake. Sometime last night he woke up. He was responding to requests (lift 2 fingers, nod head yes & no, etc) & really focusing his eyes on us. He even belly laughed at his brother. He became very emotional seeing Cheryl this morning, and she did a good job calming him down. They extubated him at 9:10 and he has done a great job breathing on his own. He does need to have a lot of rest. The visiting with family seemed to wear him out and has been sleeping a lot the rest of the day. The docs asked us to take it easy to allow him to have enough energy for the docs.

We are beyond thrilled at this good news. We know there is still a long road ahead.

They are hoping to remove the drainage tube from his head (that had been draining fluid) tomorrow. It has been clamped since yesterday and he is doing well with that.

His lungs continue to look good. They did a brochoscopy (forgive me if this is wrong) yesterday and it looked good. Lungs have remained clear and he is giving us some good deep coughs.

He was able to get a good bath & shave today. This is a good thing b/c the scruffy look was not looking right on our Walt.

We continue to wait on the patholigy results. No news yet.

Some good news

2010-06-25T14:40:00.003-05:00

They have been watching Walt closely for congestion and/or pneumonia. They did a procedure this afternoon to look into his lungs to make sure they were clear. They were a little worried with the fluid they had seen in the tube, but were very pleased to NOT see any significant amount of fluid on his lungs. They are still giving him some antibiotics to prevent pneumonia. They had given him some heavier duty meds for the procedure, so the rest of the day we don't really expect much out of him due to the drugs. We were very pleased to not see fluid on his lungs!! For the most part everything else is remaining the same, and right now stable is not a bad thing! We are just allowing Walt to have some time resting until his body is ready to "wake up". Keep praying for him, and keep praying for Cheryl, as I know this isn't easy on her.

Friday

2010-06-25T13:20:00.001-05:00

I haven't heard anything from Cheryl yet. Walt's brother & sister flew in from Florida this morning, so I am very happy they are here to spend some time with Walt and being a comfort to Cheryl. Will update as soon as I hear some news.

Thursday's wrap up

2010-06-24T22:24:00.002-05:00

There were a few changes today, but mostly Walt is just still resting. The docs wanted to run an EEG today. The results came out fine. The docs said that he is just taking his sweet time to come to the party (the doctors didn't seem at all concerned about how long it is taking). His nurse told him she wanted to have a serious discussion with him about his getting back to his preferred position 15 minutes after they position him (to prevent bed sores) and the kicking he is doing with his right leg. He also gets quite annoyed when they suction out his mouth or brush his teeth (he never did like going to the dentist). He is coughing "real" coughs not just the gagging ones and getting up the fluid from his lungs. They removed one of the shunts, the one placed during surgery, as it was draining very minimal fluid. There is still a shunt in place, the one they put in to drain fluid that they positioned the first evening. We saw him yawn this morning (very different than a gag). We are keeping positive and hoping for continued improvement each hour.

Still waiting

2010-06-24T14:18:00.002-05:00

I guess there really isn't much change for today. The neuro came in and was pleased with the movement in Walt's right side. He has ordered an EEG which may be happening this afternoon. Will share results when we get them.

Thursday update

2010-06-24T10:23:00.001-05:00

As of 10:00 this morning, we are still just waiting on the doctor to come. Don't know much more, but will update as we hear any news.

Wed. afternoon update

2010-06-23T17:55:00.003-05:00

Walt is staying stable thru the day. They have given him one dose of pain meds today, and have him on insulin. His numbers were a little elevated but that could be due to the amounts and types of meds he's received. He has been doing a great job breathing on his own all day, yeah! He's a little "feisty" (Cheryl's words) as he is really moving his arm to try to pull out his intubation tube we assume. The doc came in and reminded us that this last hurdle is worthy of celebration, b/c he is doing such a good job so far. The swelling in his brain is greatly reduced. They don't plan to extubate him tonight, but are hoping to try to do that in the morning.

We continue to take things one step at a time, dealing with the minute presented to us and not totall focusing on what our next step will be.

More updates

2010-06-23T10:40:00.002-05:00

Since this info, at 9:30 they started to reduce the sedative. He is making movements with his arms and legs, and starting to respond to pain stimulus (which is a good thing). They also stopped the vent, and he is doing a good job breathing on his own, keeping his Sats up. They still have him intubated for now, but are hoping to remove that soon. They hope to have him back to his "base line" today, which means responding like he was when he entered the hospital on Monday night.

We have heard from the doctor that the section of the tumor they looked at doesn't look great. It may be a higher grade of tumor, which can mean it is more aggressive. We are asking for prayers for that to not be the case. Again, we won't know anything for sure for 2-3 days until results come back from patholigy.

I know MANY of you have offered to help. Even if Cheryl (or any of us) haven't taken you up on it, this will be a long road, not over in a few days. We may be in the hospital for some time, and then a long recovery at home post-hospital time. Offers to Cheryl for things like meals, lawn mowing, prayer lines, people to run some errands for her, possible babysitting for the crazy 5 grandkids so that we can help with Walt's recovery are all VERY much appreciated and will be utilized. I can't imagine my crazy 3 munchkins running around like wild children near Walt right now. Thank you for everything, it is so appreciated.

It's a good morning

2010-06-23T10:21:00.001-05:00

Note from Cheryl:

Just talked to Walt's neuro surgeon, whose style is to take things step-by-step to avoid overwhelming everyone inv loved. Walt's CT scan this morning looked very good and the doc is pleased. Today's task is to cut back on the sedatives and allow Walt to wake and let us know just where he. Walt is still in the Neuro CCU and pretty much for the next 2 days is only allowed 2 visitors (immediate family only) at a time.

Thank you all for all the prayers and well wishes, and keep praying b/c the road ahead will be a long one.

Cheryl

Out of surgery

2010-06-22T12:58:00.003-05:00

Walt is out of surgery. They removed a tumor that was slightly larger than a golf ball. The tumor bled into itself, thus the "bleed" they saw on the CAT scan. They do not know at this point what type of tumor it is. They've sent it on to patholigy and will not receive the results for 3-4 days. They saw a significant mass on the other side of the brain as well, and will identify it later with a more detailed MRI later today possible or tomorrow. He will remain in a sedated state for today, heavily sedated so as to keep him calm. They inserted another shunt as well to drain fluid. As soon as the tumor was removed there was an immediate "shrinkage" of his brain, and it firmed up a lot more. They said we are taking things one step at a time. He may be talking in a few days, possibly even up walking, but may not, we aren't sure.

Cheryl looks exhausted & hoping she rests soon. We are going to drive her up to Mac to get some meds, clothing, check on Maggie, and wrap up a few things. The doc felt confident that we'd be fine to leave for a short bit, and he will just be in recovery mode from the surgery. Prayers still requested for a good result from the patholigy, a healthy recovery, and that he handles the news ok when he is awake & aware.

Will update later if we learn more info.

Walt's status 11:00 AM

2010-06-22T10:54:00.002-05:00

Walt collapsed at work last night. this was a good thing, as that forced him to go to take his stubborn personality to go to the hospital :) They did a CAT scan in Mac and it presented as a stroke, so they transported him on down to Wichita where there is a specialist. The neuro isn't convinced that it was a stroke, more to follow. They took him into surgery at 10 this morning, 2 hour surgery, to remove the bleed. The neuro is optimistic that he will recover, although it will be a long recovery. We are thinking he is here for sure for 72 hours post surgery, possibly days or weeks longer, depending on how he does and if there is a need for any further surgeries.

We appreciate all of you who have helped in this emergency. We also appreciate all prayers centered around Walt & Cheryl during this stressful time. We will keep this updated as we hear more.

More from Steph's shower

2010-06-11T13:57:00.000-05:00

A princess is on the way

2010-06-11T13:51:00.000-05:00

I was lucky enough to get to go to Steph's baby shower in Arkansas. She is soooooo ready for a little girl to light up her world after her 2 crazy boys. Don't get me wrong, we love Keegan & Gavin, but little Reagan is going to be quite the addition--and ALL pinked out! It was so much fun to hang out with my friend.

March for Babies walk

2010-05-28T16:01:00.000-05:00

Emerald loved the cheerleaders! The group pic is of the staff & grads of OPR NICU.

More MOD pics

2010-05-27T13:04:00.000-05:00

Pic at top is Greyson & Zach, buds! The next pic is a nurse, Jenn, that took care of Zach, then had her little guy, Jameson, a little early and he and Z were neighbors. Calvin helped us out by being awesome that day. We were also thankful that Heidi & Josiah were able to come out and support us!

MOD pics

2010-05-25T22:35:00.000-05:00

So I'm going to just start posting tons of pics and will write when I can. I am sooooo far behind!

Can you see this?

2010-05-25T17:05:00.000-05:00

Can you see this pic? Posted from Picasa, still trying to figure this out. If you can see this picture, check on the "Interesting" box below this text.

testing

2010-05-24T16:38:00.001-05:00

I am still working on this, arghhhhhhhhhhhhh

Testing

2010-05-24T16:34:00.000-05:00

I am trying this again. Our computer is not posting pics, and I wasn't able to post to Blogger once or twice when I tried. Why must everything be so difficult?

March for Babies 2010

2010-05-14T11:47:00.001-05:00

This was our 2nd year to walk in the March for Babies walk. This is always such a humbling experience for me. I am so happy to participate, don't get me wrong. However, I feel as if I am almost not worthy of being there, not worthy of earning the title of "preemie family". You see, at the walk we talk with hundreds of other families, most who endured far greater sadness, chaos, & in some situations loss, much worse than we lived through. I almost hang my head when I say we "only" spent 43 days in the NICU. We were born "only" 9 weeks early. My baby survived. My baby was a whopping 3 lb 14 oz. You see, in the NICU world, he was HUGE! He didn't have massive issues after birth, no transfusions, no surgeries on his heart, bowels, eyes. He was "only" on the vent for a little less than 72 hours. He came home w/o monitors. I was able to hold him early compared to so many, 36 hours after he was born. There are so, so many others who can't say any of this. There was a team walking that used the term "in memory of" that reminds me just how lucky we are to have our 3 healthy kids walking with us. Other families spoke of waiting for nearly 6 months before they got to bring their little on home. There are kiddos in wheelchairs, where there precious munchkin will never know what it is like to "walk" in the March for Babies, but they are here with us today. There were families who told me of how they watched their little 1 pound miracle micro preemies struggle through so much. The kids their who have endured open heart surgeries when their little bodies aren't even as long as a ruler, don't even weigh 2 pounds. There were children with permanent eye damage due to their prematurity, hearing loss, feeding tubes, CP, life-long medical concerns that they will live with EACH & EVERY DAY for the rest of their lives, all because they came so early.

So, when I spoke to people and told them that Zachary is relatively healthy, it almost felt wrong. But, we did live thru that. It was a hard fought 43 days, and has been a hard fought nearly 17 months with our own struggles. No, they may not have been as serious, but when it happens to you, and your baby, it seems pretty serious.

I love the March for Babies. I forces me to stop, and really take a moment to sing songs of praise at the health of all 3 of my sweet gifts. Everyone there is so positive and never dwells on what they don't have, but they all focus on the positive. I want that for me, and for our family. I want to appreciate all the gifts we have been given--most especially the gifts of Emerald, Calvin, & Zachary!

Emerald's first sleepover

2010-05-10T09:53:00.000-05:00

Mind you, this was April 16th, and I am still behind! Wanted to document Emerald's first sleepover. She stayed at Aubrey's house, who lives doors down from us. Ideal situation, in case she got upset during the night it would be pretty close to us. She had to take Mango, of course, and you should have seen her packing her bag. Forget clothes, toothbrush, etc., silly mommy. "I need my ponies, baby dolls, blankets, doll clothes, princess dress-ups, etc." Her bag was stuffed full of toys--too cute. Sarah & Nick were nice enough to help us out by watching Emers during our garage sale, which was sooooooooooo helpful. Sarah reported that Em was still awake long after Aubrey fell asleep, just reading her books quietly in Aubrey's room. That's my Emers!! She had a great time. She is growing up too fast.

Also posted a pic of our garage sale.

Getting so big

2010-05-07T11:27:00.000-05:00

Zachary is 16 months old now and getting so big! Here is one of his favorite things to do, stand at the window and scream at his siblings, the neighbors, whoever will listen. Easter egg pics, sparkles picked out by the princess herself!

Painting eggs

2010-05-07T11:19:00.000-05:00

Josiah came over to help us paint Easter eggs. Emerald thinks she is "big" because she helps "babysit" the little ones. Zachary was just content hanging out in his stroller watching the activities. He is such an easy baby!

So far behind

2010-05-07T10:55:00.002-05:00

I am sooooo far behind these days. Trying to just catch up, so you may just see a bunch of pics, w/ very little writing.

March for Babies is in 10 days

2010-04-21T13:29:00.007-05:00

My first chance to touch my son, 3 hours after his birth

Sadly, this is a big part of what I remember about Zachary's first days of life
Baby+Zachary+033.JPG" border=0>
Finally geetting to hold my baby boy, 36 hours after he was born. They let me hold him for about 10 minutes. I couldn't move, as he was on the vent, and it is taped to my shoulder. They threatened that if I did it could seriuosly injure him. Not a very comforting moment, but so sweet all at the same time.

A few days old in daddy's arms. His tiny hand is gripping Skip's pinky finger.

Our March for Babies walk is in 10 days. We are trying to earn money for March of Dimes to help fund research that they do to help babies like Zachary. The March of Dimes helped stop polio with their research. March of Dimes discovered the imporatance of Surfactant, a medicine that helped save Zach's life. March of Dimes does so much for parents in helping them get through those rough days as a parent of a "shadow" baby--one that you had, that is no longer alive inside your body, but one that you cannot show off to the outside world. Your "shadow" baby is one that is on your mind every single minute of every day, but others look at you and wonder why you look like a zombie. Your "shadow" baby is a real, life baby, but one you cannot nurse, you cannot touch when you want, you cannot hold, you cannot dress in the clothes that line your closet, you cannot do anything you want with your own flesh and blood but pray and look at them through a piece of plexiglass. I remember walking into a restaurant, admiring a carseat cover that I still needed to purchase for my 3 week old baby, probably still bloated and looking questionably pregnant. I asked the mother where she got it, and she asked when I was due, an innocent question. I said I had a 3 week old and she looked around lost, and I had to explain to her he wasn't with me, and I began to cry. It felt wrong being out in the world without my baby. It felt so wrong waking to an alarm clock to feed my baby, not to his wimpers & cries.

You may wonder why in the world I still focus on this--after all he is 15 months old. Some may think, "she should just get over it!" I've even so much as heard those comments from others. I have to admit I may have been the one to think it before my experience. This is just something you never get over. You hear a beep, smell the soap, feel your rough hands, it all takes you back. Walking out the doors does not make it all go away. It is like being in a battle, you can't make the sad moments just go away. A mother should get to hold her baby, hear him cry, touch his face after he is born.

I'm going to write something that I haven't admitted before now. I was so stinkin' scared 15 months ago. We went through so much to get our 3 beautiful children. It obviously didn't come easy for us anywhere along our journey to parenthood. After Zachary was born I couldn't allow myself to fall in love with him immediately--I was too scared of him not being there to love me back. I was fearful of every moment I called to check on him, every step I took to visit him each day. I didn't want them to share the devastating news. I couldn't allow myself to relax (as so many people told me). I couldn't allow myself to enjoy the moments of parenthood with my newborn. It is sad as I look back now. If someone I had trusted could have sworn on a bible, been able to look into the future, and told me the true outcome, I could have relaxed. However, nobody knew how it would turn out. Nobody knew just what was to come for my little man. I was scared to death. My heart ached. I wanted to love him, but I now realize I put up a wall for those weeks after his birth. I became like a robot who went thru the motions, but didn't have feeling. I look at my little man now and feel awful that I couldn't love him completely and whole-heartedly. Don't get me wrong, I loved on him, I did fall in love with him.......but that feeling that moms talk about, that moment after birth when you instantly fall in love with your little one........it didn't happen for me.

I walk because it is what little I can do for those families who don't ever get to love on their babies. I walk because parenthood should be full of joys & wonderful happy beginnings. I walk because if the small amount of money I earn can prevent one person from going through the heartache that I saw, it's worth it. I walk for the mothers who have had miscarriages. I never felt the heartache of a miscarriage, but suffered through a "loss" of my own in the adoption world and can only imagine how it might hurt. I walk for my healthy son & daughter, for my healthy nephews, my healthy goddaughter, for all of the healthy children in my life. Some of their health might be credited to research done by March of Dimes. I walk so that my pregnant friends will deliver healthy full-term babies, and that they won't have to feel what we have felt!

I feel so lucky to have Zachary with us today. There are many that don't get that. There are others that we met in our little NICU that have life-long problems due to their prematurity. We feel blessed that Zachary's minor issues are minor! We are all very positive that he will overcome all of his delays. Not all those babies are lucky.

I need to earn $50 to meet my goal. Will you help me? These people already have helped, and I am extremely thankful for their generosity!!!

Bonnie Beuning

Tracy Bohannon

Susan Chisolm

Diana Cordova-Wagner

Janet Crandall

Missy Doskocil

Krista Farris

Debbie Green

Cassie Grissom

Tara Griffin

Becki Herod

Aunt Laura & Uncle Shane Jordan

Brett Kuper

Stephanie Lindsay

Calvin & Emerald Pankewich

Uncle Jeff & Aunt Heidi Pankewich

Walt & Cheryl Pankewich

Sara Shippey

Spring Simpson

Janet Smith

Carey Sterrett

Amy Stojak

Alan & Mattie Watkins